Southern Bloke

Happy One Year!

2012-02-01T18:10:00.005+11:00

I have been in Melbourne a year from yesterday. It clicked when my friend Chem posted on FB about him being at his current workplace a year. That same day I said goodbye to him (he was my flatmate at the time in Sydney) and then packed up the rest of my stuff and then headed to the airport. So happy one year to me. Remember back a year, to when we listened to digital music, drank Milo and we were counting down to 2012?

I sat at a BBQ today and loved the atmosphere. A BBQ can create a laid back and friendly vibe, an awkward, "how is life" extended family vibe or a "how good does the possum taste" vibe. Today was a happy and excited vibe, it was the gang that will make up the crew for the Famous Spiegeltent, beginning its run from February 7th until April 22nd. Getting to know the crew and colleagues has been a big tick.
Learning so many of the people's histories and paths, some had bridges and some had roundabout routes. And some had a boat, with a small taxi between the boat and the train station which naturally occurred between the bus stop and the boat journey. Journeys hey, metaphors. I find that they make a paragraph complete, especially this one. I cannot wait to start in a few days and be a part of the magic.

I have an old clock in my apartment, it is 1970's green and it works once a day. It hung in my family kitchen when I grew up and somehow I still have it. I need to find a clock lady/man who will help me fix it, the whole adventure it could/might/will be made into a film too.

I found an ant today, and it was in my mug. I wish I could walk directly up a ceramic surface and then get to the top, not be out of breath at all and just casually walk down the other side. Just on my way to the shops or something. Maybe on the phone having a chat to Beryl. Everyone needs a friend called Beryl. I feel the ant was not to the scale of this image, and also a different insect to that specified below:

I had my first proper conversation with my nephew the other day. My sister in law turned on Skype and up he appeared, and I have not seen him for a few months and in those months, conversation has been discovered. To have him know who I was and be informed that his daddy was at work, which led into some dance moves just made me smile. I wonder what technology he will use when he is my age, maybe electronic bubbles that wrap around your head and you have a 3D image of the environment that the person you are on the phone to is at. And you then discuss the environment, weather and what you are doing that day with your hover board.

Just like this tree, but less digital new age:

Take Anything You Want- Japanese learning english

2012-01-31T20:05:00.000+11:00

Oh how I love this. The creepy non change in tone to their different phrases they "learn". I love Japanese culture.

Where is January?

2012-01-29T09:17:00.009+11:00

It leaves us in a few days. January, it always feels like you come in for a party and then exit way too soon. February is a mutual friend of ours, but not as fresh and rad. But it has been a good one.

I have been pretty much staying at Caleb's house all of January, and finally now staying at my house these last few nights. It felt like I had to have a sorry ceremony with my apartment. I got the sense I had betrayed it, neglected it as such and it has just been sitting here. To be fair, my mate Aaron from the US stayed here while the Australian Open was on, but he aint me. My flat didn't say anything back when I said sorry and lit some incense, but I think it has forgiven me. Though my lease runs out soon.. I won't announce that loudly just yet.

I want to keep steering towards having plenty of printed photos around the place. Digital world has encouraged us to have everything online, but where is the fun when you cannot have these images in your physical space. Whoah, I just felt like I used too many words that a lecturer would use. The word "physical space" being a phrase I relate to a lecturer with a red jumper and a beard, clasping his hands together and looking at the wooden ceiling of the dated lecture theatre.

So I have printed a tonne of photos, see above. And cheaply too. Try Big W photos online, 35 photos for 6 bucks including delivery. Go Big Dub! That was not a paid plug, I just was impressed with the photos. And now its like I have some of my good friends and family on a wall, and it looks like a Uni student room. Just the look I was going for.

Have I ever mentioned, the colour of this green in the photo is my favourite colour? Well I am mentioning, and a high mention at that.

I begin two of my new jobs this week. Shall we guess what they are?

JOB NUMBER ONE
Clue: Involves dressing up in 1940's clothing and being inside a genuine 1920's built tent, made of fabric and mirrors. Many famous people have sung in this tent and it now tours the world, visiting Melbourne annually. I will be greeting guests and introducing them to the world that can be anything inside the tent. I simply cannot wait.
Answer: Guest Host at The Famous Spigeltent! Groovy!

JOB NUMBER TWO
Clue: This space hosted the Queen of England last year, is one of Melbourne's meeting points and holds many events and festivals throughout the year. I will be helping look after the Operations for the events and installations that occur there, right beside the Yarra River in central Melbourne.
Answer: Operations Coordinator at Federation Square. Rock on!

I finish up my job with Australian Open this week and it has been fun. Great people and great work. I will miss the crazy customers asking us to investigate players who secretly smuggle drugs onto the court that leads to an unfair advantage. Sigh.

Let us welcome February in two days. See what it brings. OK, let's!

Cheeky Monkeys

2012-01-14T17:41:00.003+11:00

Sitting here with a David Attenborough doco on, it is about cheeky monkeys. They are cracking nuts with big stones and I am finding it hilarious when the nut bounces off the wrong way into the shrubs and the monkeys run after the nut shrieking. Dunno why but that scenario is making me chuckle. Actually I do know why. Cause it is funny. Funny that. Huh.

I have started work, helping out a company who produce the merchandise for the Australian Open for a few weeks. It is really interesting to come into an office community and observe the dynamics. The people who are there to build their career, the people who work and live for the weekend and those who have been there too long.

And for someone like me who is just there for a brief period, it is really up to me if I want to invest with people. It is great noticing the ways different people have responded to me. The really nice thing is how friendly and relaxed the atmosphere is, with everyone being so welcoming. I reckon if I just got up and danced down the walkway I would have people join me. They so better not read this otherwise there may be some pressure. You know, to dance. And to dance up to the high quality standard I am known for.

I may have gone to see the Vengaboys a few nights ago. Remember the late 1990's band that rocked the world with their Eurotrash Pop? With such intelligent lyrics like "We like to party, we like, we like to party" and "My hearts goes sha la la la la". Well I was way to curious as to them touring and also the fact the venue was a pub down the road from me. A group of us went and we had no idea what to expect.

As we stepped inside, there was a sea of 18 year olds. 18 year olds?? They were probably about 6 when they were popular. But they were there, and screaming loudly. Cal and I were not drinking either as we are so smartly doing Dry January (no alcohol for the month) so Coca Cola was our sponsor. 90's music was pumping via a DJ while everyone waited, it is what they called the support act. Pretty sure the DJ just pressed play on a CD. Or if he was technical, through an iPod.

Lights flashed on and off (the pub seemed to have an amazing lighting system, featuring an "on" and "off" switch. The red curtains open and there stood our Vengaboys. Complete with tacky outfits, they all looked a bit weathered but up for fun. They began singing (slightly lip syncing) their songs, all five of them. In between songs they spoke in their Dutch accent about how excited they were to be Down Under. Whether they were attempting to be dirty was lost in translation.

The Encore began when they walked on then off the stage and then suggested to play a White Stripes track. They then stopped and declared they never would, as they represent Sleezy, Cheesey, Trashy Euro Pop, and proceeded to sing their hits again. Hey at least they didn't pretend to be something they were not. I may have danced slightly also. So thanks Vengaboys for providing high school flash backs where I can finally feel free to sing out "Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my room.".

I have seen so many movies over the past few weeks. And there is a photo booth out the front of the cinema. It sucked Cal and I into it and we totally reenacted Amelie.

I really respect Sia. She is an Aussie music artist who has done so many organic and yet strategic moves, where she balances Pop and reality. She has worked with some of the biggest artists and still reflects how original she is. From the classic "Breathe Me" that was featured as the final song on the final season of the best show on TV "Six Feet Under" to writing a song and singing it for a David Guetta track (even though I cringe at him). This track below just grooves with me. Even if it is Flo Rider.

Spoons

2012-01-02T12:07:00.003+11:00

I had icecream the other day. And the type that you buy from a shop over a counter and you um and ah... and then chose the flavour etc. And then these days pretty much every type of these stores has things you can sprinkle in or mash in. I did not have any of these. It always reminds me of when I worked in an ice cream store. Memories, it was my first job and I wore a bright orange shirt. And most of the time jeans that had ice-cream wipes on the sides of them. Thinking about that makes me feel a little sick.

So I had icecream, as did Cal. We were quite excited about our flavours as we walked home. We also discovered we liked the other's flavour better. As I walked along I dropped my spoon, and naturally I was teased for being a bit of a goof. Cal offered me his spoon to borrow, so I took the nice offer and several seconds later, accidentally dropped his spoon too. The light teasing I was given just prior disappeared. In its place was just simple "I am pissed off you dropped my spoon also" kind of vibe. And hey fair enough, what a dickhead I was. The ice-cream just sat there in the cup as it began to melt quickly in the warm summer night, though I am way too impatient and was drinking mine from my cup. Yep, I raise my hand and say, I have no dignity. Poor Cal patiently waited until we got back to the apartment where he scooped the ice cream soup up. Spoons are useful.

Now, Murakami. I may have discovered one of my favourite writers, and yes you may say "hey doofus, you really are a tad slow, he was cool 10 years ago" but I found him in the right time and place. The best time to appreciate his writing and it can only get better.

Sometimes I wonder why my gut feels tight. Is it protecting itself?

I started a few of my jobs this week. They have been quite different and you learn new things in areas where you didn't think you needed to learn. Like, helping with an AFL promotion has led me to talk to hundreds of Australians and their passion for AFL. And also random suburb names. I got told off by one old man named Norm for not being able to spell Melbourne suburb names. "I thought all Melbourne people knew how to spell their suburbs." He was from the bush.

Birdy - People Help The People (Official Video) OUT NOW

2012-01-01T14:58:00.000+11:00

I mainly like the footage, oh London.. Her voice sound like a voice that is nice.

Auld

2012-01-01T14:24:00.003+11:00

So I didnt get as many posts as 2010, but ah well. 2012 is gonna be the one to beat anyways. Yeah, cause if you write it down then your resolutions will totally

Wait, just getting a cookie.

Yes so resolutions will totally be kept if you write them down. Or so I hear.

My ones, what are my NY Resolutions you ask? Well after a rather in depth discussion with my friend Dale, I want to be able to touch my toes sometime during 2012. I also would like to have written at least the skeleton of a major writing piece. I am going to reduce my swearing, go in more fun runs and look into either studying part time at Uni or doing another creative course. I want to write more actual letters, make peace with a few people and dance more in and out of my bedroom. I want to touch the earth of a country I have never been to, swim at a beach I have never swum at and eat a fruit I have never heard of before.

So, in summary:

- Touch toes
- Write structure of novella.
- Swearing, less of.
- Fun Runs, more of.
- Make brain bigger (study)
- Letter writing
- Peace Pipe
- Dance (in general, no specifics)
- Feel foreign earth
- Swim foreign seas
- Eat foreign fruit

I also want to be able to feel like my job is is part of my happiness. Not like this is anything new, as a job should always be a part of your happiness, supporting a contagious joy in the other aspects of life such as relationships, fitness and dogs. The casual cat is alright too. But yes, I got four jobs in January and I have never been able to juggle balls but pretty sure jobs will be OK. February, who knows? If it isn't a dream job, then my personal time should be focused on building up the things I love to do and sew them into a career, no? It is the best advice about career I have been told. So if you like to collect stamps, do it. And then the investment in the stamps means you are training yourself up to file and collect and appreciate documentation from the past and present, that could lead you into a librarian role. Glasses and a debonair tie included. Well I get my point, and am proud of the point.

How good would it be to fit inside a fridge, just for fun! You would then feel really cool and it could be your party trick. Or maybe cause it is a hot day today and Melbourne really has not provided enough water options without chlorine that I am dreaming of being inside the fridge. Though I think the fact I dislike small enclosed spaces will counterbalance the desire to fit inside the fridge. The fridge also may start talking to me about the unfortunate old food that is inside him and how I need to get rid of it. Hmm... well he isnt talking to me so off to the giant walk in Bottle Shop fridge I go!! Damn, it is a public holiday. This kid gets what I mean.

Now I have in my google search history "stuck inside fridge". Thanks brain.

Puff

2011-12-28T21:46:00.003+11:00

My fingers can sit so peacefully on the keys of the computer, they do not have to move. Sometimes they kinda just go, "We would rather not move, it is nice just resting here." But then I gotta make them. No, not make them as they are more than happy to type, especially if there is purpose behind the writing. But then you look up, they look up, and see that what they typed is actually about them and not about any other particular topic.

I missed London tonight. It has been two years since I was last there and in a kid's head, two years is like the gap of time between your first day of kindergarten and your ability to know your three times tables and read the entire series of Grug books. Do not ask me what Grug is, but in summary he is a mop of hair that talks in a really basic way and he goes on mundane adventures that as children, we read about.Here is a photo:

So yes, London. Long time. Miss. Hopefully 2012 could bring an end to the dry spell. Though sometimes I wonder if it is better to invest money in a place I have never been. Is there only so many times you can walk along the Thames and sing the tune to the alphabet, which I might add, is the same tune as Twinkle Twinkle! Possibly, but nothing can take away at the magic behind sitting in a Roman fort in middle of winter beside Hadrian's Wall and imagine a Roman soldier sitting there, 2000 years ago. How about I travel to North Korea. I hear there is a demilitarized zone and it is like Pleasantville.

I sat at the Tram stop today. I looked across at a sign that was stuck on a brick wall. Puffs of smoke came from behind the wall, a heated conversation.

Little Girl Marketing

2011-12-26T19:01:00.000+11:00

Kids really do observe so much more than we assume. And if you remember, we all had ideas both then and now.

This girl vents about the unfair blue and pink coding on kids presents. Love.

Hail

2011-12-26T18:43:00.002+11:00

The highlight of my Christmas this year, was stepping out of a 7 Eleven with Cal and walking down towards my house when it suddenly started pouring. We bolted down the street and stood under a tree in some little alcove at the entrance to a house. Cal was really not that impressed with the situation as he had a headache, but I couldnt stop laughing.

I loved going out in the rain as a kid and putting my feet in the concrete gutter, feeling the water rushing over my feet. The water had a temperature that was never threatening and you could feel this slight force, willing to go to a lower place. The water itself seemed in shock of its collective landing in the neighbourhood and now ran together to a better place.

So now I was amongst a storm near home and it wasnt gonna stop anytime soon. The road became a river and then the hail started. Little plops everywhere were heard and white balls bobbed amongst the river though quickly melted to become part of the brown body moving fast down the hill. I looked up under the tree we were standing under and the hail bounced at random through the branches, some gently falling on us. I decided it would be best if I got Cal to my house sooner rather than later so suggested we make a run for it. He nodded reluctantly and we ran, and I just kept laughing even harder. Fully clothed and water half way up my calves with my shoes fully submerged. No care whatsoever and there is so much freedom in that. All these little adventures piled up into one set. Must get across this little ravine, ok done. Now to see if I can get to there... yep, done. Quick check to make sure no cars are coming, it would be easy to spot me jumping around. We were back at my front door pretty quickly and I was kind of disappointed. Getting us both towels, Cal sat down relieved and I just panted, and grinned. We had a white Christmas, just not the usual kind.

New thing for next year, the beginning of a bigger piece of writing. I saw "The Iron Lady" today and it really was beautiful. I am happy with the many jobs I am doing but I also want to make a difference as anyone does. And I feel I am pretty much ready for my contribution to that difference. Smile, it doesnt hurt. Well, it does if you have stiches in your lip. Or if a gecko is stuck on your cheek, its head resting on your upper lip cause he/she is kinda upset with how mundane your nostril hairs are. So maybe smile inside if you can't physically.

It's Tristmas...

2011-12-25T09:54:00.002+11:00

Pretty much before the sun was even up, I would always sneak into my sister's room on Christmas morning and whisper "Lou, its Tristmas!" It became a tradition and even when I was living overseas I always timed it right, and call her at the crack of dawn on Christmas in Australia and inform her of the seasonal timetable. Traditions huh.

Merry Christmas all! I got Christmas cookies to make.

And this video pretty much sums up what Christmas is like in Australia, hit it Olivia!

Warm nights

2011-12-22T23:07:00.005+11:00

If I had to list some of my favourite things, well I am not having to but I will list them out of want, one of them would have to be stepping outside on a summer evening. I just walked from my home, through the MCG Park and across a footbridge to the river by the City. Cicadas were singing in the night air, the gentle warm breeze, and when I stepped onto the footbridge I felt the warmth from the concrete hit back at me. I sat there with Cal in silence as we looked over the city. That gentle roar of a thousand noises which is so quiet but fills your ears, that sums up the many lights and smells in this Australian city in summer. Not a polluted smell but more a smell of warmth and grass. There were a few bush rats pitching in to make the noise complete in the garden nearby. A night I will remember for its simplicity and it making me experience one of my favourite things.

I had an email today, from a young fella who has emailed me a few times now. He reads my blog and I feel really quite honoured that it has had an impact on him. And that in itself inspires me to just write. Write because it makes me happy but also because it has helped someone else be themselves.

I was chased by a possum a while ago, I approached him/her/it and usually they are quite timid. Nope, this possum edged towards me, like I was the timid animal and then launched itself towards me. In the moment (I was also with someone else who will remain nameless to include them in the embarrassment) your mind only computes, "some unknown creature is running towards me with death in its eyes, RUN". So we ran, bolted back up the street, and this wasnt just some suburban street, it was a street right next to a major train station. This is where the situation was wrong in the first place, we should have assumed it was a possum on crack. That and the froth coming out of its mouth. We are still debating whether there was froth but it justifies our running the other way. The possum continued to run after us but then got distracted by a bin. A young fella was walking the way we just had and dodged eye contact with us, two grown adult men freaked out by a casual possum. We were walking the wrong way anyways. Have you ever walked along a street and then realised you were walking the wrong way? So you look at your phone, pretend to call someone and change direction chatting to a pretend person, this way making it look like you have just been told by the person on the phone to turn around. When really who is actually taking that much care or notice on which way some random stranger is walking and that it is not out of a science fiction novel if the person changes direction? Glad I got that out.. moving on.

My Cousin shared this on his wall the other day. I liked it, and even though it is a woman singing with a tiny voice and big emotions (a friend says that my music taste covers this category) it is quite a real song with that dreamy quality that everyone should have.

11 Posts..

2011-12-20T19:53:00.002+11:00

At the beginning of this year I saw that I had made 54 posts last year. That is just over one a week. I wanted to write more than that this year though I am at the crappy number of 44 posts. SO, I am gonna write words for the the next 11 days and I will beat my 2010 posts by the outstanding number of ONE.

So at the beginning of today I the prospects of one kinda average job. By the end of the day I have full time work for all of January at another job that I had no idea about this morning and also found another awesome opportunity. I was a bit of a Debbie Downer when I woke up but yeah Cal pretty much told me to snap out of it as you never know what is coming your way. Yep, he was right.

So, HOME ALONE is on the agenda tonight I believe. It is essential Christmas season viewing and then HOME ALONE 2. Just like I bake Christmas cake every year, I try and keep up with another few traditions.

I bought a Christmas Tree today, and a real one. It is planted in a white paint tin and about a foot high. I think due to to the fact the last time I had a real one it was a cut one, I was highly traumatised at feeling like the tree had a wasted life, its only destiny was a week period sitting inside dying. Is that even a bit too extreme a belief for Vegetarians?

PS how good is my star I made for the top of the tree? Cal looked at it once and struggled not to laugh, but then he just laughed. Way offensive.

And picture this.. awkward 12 year old students holding christmas bells on stage, with Amy Grant blaring across the school gym, drowing out the out of tune students for the Christmas concert. It is early December and the gym stinks of sweat and the air is thick in Australian summer. And this song wont finish fast enough... AND you have my grade 6 Christmas concert thanks to Amy Grant.

Stayin

2011-12-11T15:28:00.004+11:00

I am hanging cards from my venetian blinds. You ever realised that if you put your head against the outside of the window you can read some of people's cards. Yeah neither!!

It has been funny, since finishing up with my job at Tutankhamaun, everyone is asking me if I am moving back to Sydney. No... No I am not.

Said goodbye to my friends at Tut in the last few days and it has been quite sad. It has not really sunk in that I will not go back there and expect the unexpected. From dumb questions about whether the artifacts are from Egypt, to crazy guests and random failures of equipment. Farewell Uncle Tut.

So saying goodbye means saying hello to the life of doing not much at all. Really hope this is not for a while because it lets me think WAY too much. From realising I daydreamed for 20 minutes about whether a forklift could lift a house, to choosing books to read that I then proceed not to read. But if you stack the books next to your bed, it looks like you are reading all of them at once, mixing up some deep abstract book with a light fiction book. So that if someone finds the pile, they will go, oh he is just so well read. But really.. I am now kinda concerned who this person is that I would not already know. Some creepy stranger who can see through the crack in the blind and wondering how intelligent I am? OR maybe some hip bug that is crawling up my wall and is totally inspired by my reading material. But at the end of the day, I have not read them. The hip bug will just THINK I am cool. But who cares what a bug things anyways... yeah?

I am in a cafe and there are three young kids, assuming they are brothers as there is one woman with them and she looks just a tad drained. They are wrapping themselves around the stainless steel legs of the table they are sitting at, and bashing each other. If I did that, I would be asked to leave. Mainly cause my imaginary friends were bashing me up too much and I would be playing dead on the cafe floor in front of some poor lady who has not finished her flat white. Er... I say that in a light way, not a psychotic way. So yeah... LOOK! Christmas lights!

Less than a week to Christmas. I like the lead up way more than the day itself. The day itself is always a bit too much of a "Hey I am here! Make the most of me as I am not here for another year!

Cal has now arrived in Melbourne for good. His arriving has reminded me about my own arrival here in Melbourne almost a year ago now. Any change such as moving cities really is quite a whirlwind in your head. You can start thinking about whether this was the right decision or not, when really only time will answer these questions. I have no regrets and love the decision and over the past few days have been reminded of this. Oh and I also had a lychee margarita and that was bloody nice.

Santa and Anubis want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I may have them as key rings.. and Santa only seems relevant at this time of year. Funny that..

OH and I made a sandcastle.

It's time.

2011-11-30T21:41:00.000+11:00

This has spread like wildfire and so it should. I am just doing my part in case those of you who have not seen it, can see it now. Sums it up, and filmed so beautifully in my home town of Sydney. It really IS time.

Keep still

2011-11-29T21:25:00.003+11:00

Sometimes it feels like the key piece of advice is to physically keep still so your head doesnt move. You can't move because all your current knowledge and thoughts may fall out, just drop out of some brain cell and dribble into space and not come back. I have read and seen some really inspiring pockets of wisdom in the past few days and I am so worried it will be lost. But the funny thing is that I don't want to write them down as it may be lost somewhere just as easily.

Pretty mentally exhausted right now with the loom of my job almost at the end. And the uncertainty, can be so romantic but then there are the days when it is just plain inconvenient. "I dont know what my next job is", I can say with a grin.

Just spent the weekend in Sydney. Had a few days where at the end of them my soul felt full, like I had spoilt it. And I was with Cal for most of it. Some of the highlights were Trapeze lessons and my good school bud Bede's wedding. Amazing weather all weekend and I even swam at a real beach, not like the ripples of the bay down here in Melbourne. Sorry Melbourne.

Trapeze lesson. Cal bought us a lesson as an adventure. I was fully on board but had not really processed what was involved until 15 minutes prior where I became quiet and unnerved. We were walking to the destination in Centennial Park in the city, wheeling my suitcase (it was actually my boss's overnight bag as she couldnt handle me taking my old gym bag away) and Cal noticed I went quiet. Finally the land of Trapeze appeared in the distance and it kinda clicked I was going to go swing on a Trapeze. I still dont know what they call it, the bar? Within 10 minutes they made us do stretches, hang off a bar 2 metres from the ground and then we were climbing up the ladder one by one ready to swing off for the first time. I would say it was a surreal experience and also loved that they just threw us into the deep end. After two hours I managed to swing and jump out and be caught by one of the trainers swinging from the other bar. Oh that and a broken toe and bleeding hand.

I got to read the Bible at my mate Bede's wedding this weekend. It really was an honour, because to me it was a good old friend from Christian days who showed so much love and acceptance back then and now and simply wanted me to read at his wedding. The passage was 1 John 4:9-12 and this is about God and his love for us, and the fact we cannot see God means we must love one another to express the love that God has for us. There is a lot of truth in this whether you believe in God or not, loving and accepting one another is such a basic need. When you do this, so much is easier. I stood up there proud to be holding such a symbol from my past and still see the relevance now, and also celebrating an old friend finding a companion to share his life with.

At the reception there was a polaroid camera. And it is just so cool right now to take photos with these, or more so, use a hipstamatic function on our iPhone. These are real and we had quite the laugh doing this, reminded me of 2001/2 Physics class at SSCS.

And today is the final day of Movember. And aint my Mo just beautiful... It has been fun but also been super to support organisations such as Prostate Cancer, that has affected my own family. Raised $380, thanks for those who donated! I was very chuffed and much higher than I thought it would be.

How much does it suck when you spend too much time pushing against a door that you then glance down at and it says "push". Hello December.

The Holstee Manifesto: Lifecycle Video

2011-11-15T15:35:00.000+11:00

I dont do this that often but this brightened my day because I am more than happy to agree with this manifesto. Well shot video too.

Enjoy your day.

Running

2011-11-15T14:31:00.005+11:00

So, if you ever feel like going for a 14KM run, try it. You will be surprised how much further you can run if you have lots of people running with you. I ran the City2Sea with people from work, was so much fun! I could now go into some metaphorical tangent on how if you have lots of people with you on a journey the journey is easier. But will stop.... there.

Yellow, green, blue and red gumballs. What one would you be bummed at if it came out of the machine and which would you be happy about? Green is my happy gumball, yellow is my sad.

So my adventure with King Tut gets closer to the end. Really starting to get reflective of it (you cannot half tell, since I am writing about it in a blog) and I am so bloody thankful I took this role on. The people I have met, the experience I have had and to be looking after such a beautiful set of artifacts from a civilization so long ago has been simply an honour. And the dolphin mascott has been inspirational. The hunt continues for my next role.

One of my best buds Adam made an interesting observation yesterday. Compared me to the Tortoise in Tortoise and the Hare (I have never petted a Tortoise, maybe one day though). He said I am happy to run the race slow and just be patient with what comes my way. Still feel I should be more proactive! If I was to be any creature in a fable though, I would want to be the amusing penguin in that fable that I just made up in my head. Oh silly penguin, he is so funny... and you learn so much from him and his ways.

In my last blog I mentioned Cal. In a lot of ways I dont really even want to mention him in my blog too much, cause this story is one I want to keep close and just for me. But will just say, it is an adventure where I have a big grin on my face.

I was walking to work the other morning and walked under a giant fig tree. I will call it a fig tree cause it sounds better than a latin name. I dont wanna get all intellectual. That would make me sound smart and have good grammar and stuff like yeah? The path ran under this beautiful big tree and the early morning light along with the stillness of the still sleeping city made a shroud over me. Very peaceful, was almost expecting Mr Fox to appear, he didnt though. I then noticed a man, he was laying on one of the roots of the tree. His eyes were closed and he was mouthing words. He looked about 40 and dressed in casual clothes, not the kind a homeless fella would wear. He had just come to stop and be still and I couldnt have chosen a better place to do that. Well you would be fairly still in a straight jacket but yeah, another kind of still. I moved on, noone wants a random stranger walking by to stop and just watch you laying there. Well I dont.

I am also halfway through Movember today! Where you grow a Mo and donate to charity. Part of it was also running the race I mentioned. The trouble though with my Mo is it is long but so light compared to my head hair colour and looks pathetic. Example...

Though if anyone wants to support me, money is going towards Prostate Cancer and Beyond Blue, an organisation supporting Mental Health.

http://mobro.co/lloydjones

I am concerned my wallpaper on my phone is of a Jam label, but come on who doesnt like Jam. Jello for you Americans. And it is kinda healthy if you think about it. Mashed up fruit with sugar. We all need sugar and we all need jam. And especially rasberry jam. Cause you can imagine sailing across a sea of it and you could smell it in the air, fresh seabreeze than smelt of sugar and rasberries.

And one last thing, this was blaring across the tent where I was hanging out with Cal after the race on Sunday. Just made me happy, gotta like a band called Talking Heads.

Brown Paper

2011-11-03T23:12:00.005+11:00

I opened my letterbox today and there was a brown envelope in there. And of course there was one little snail on the corner. The stupid snails have come back. I have accepted a compromise with them, where I leave junk mail in there as food, and they usually dont touch fresh letters. Deal. No Deal, this immature young snail obviously didnt get the memo from the older wiser snails, dont touch day old mail. Silly loser.
So yes, the envelope. I didn't recognise the handwriting and it had the same stamp my mum had placed on the postcard I also received today. The post card was from some tree top world where she climbed a tall tree. Good on her! NO idea where this place was but hey, my Mum sends me random postcards and that is special in itself. I brought both the items inside and dumped my backpack on the airbed that is currently in my living room. My mate Jon (the one who had been volunteering as a nudist farm in Byron Bay) is crashing at mine until he moves into his new home in a week. One of my lounges was upside down on part of the airbed, I had placed it there, it seemed a great place to dump it so I could dry my washing with it. I just reread that sentence, yeah don't ask.
BACK to the envelope, stop distracting me. I opened it up and instantly knew who it was from. Cal. I met Cal in July when I was in Sydney visiting family and it ended up being a pretty dreary visit, wet weather and a lot of cancellations with friends, on top of me getting the flu. One of the final days, I had been in touch with this fella and he asked me to meet him. My gut said I shouldn't, as he lives in Sydney and I live in Melbourne. What if I liked him, that would be bad, no? Then the other part of my gut won. What if I liked him, that would be good, yes? Caught a cab and our brunch meeting began with me standing next to a roast chicken store, watching a little girl attack her dog with her pink PVC umbrella, and him walking up the street towards me. Hello Cal.
It was a good brunch and I walked away thinking it was a sweet little chapter to have met a nice person. I also felt proud of myself, I was so mature about it, at peace and just content to recognise a connection. But to focus on what life is currently presenting to myself, back in reality in my new home of Melbourne.
So I slid the letter out and unfolded it. Double-sided and in flowing old style cursive writing. The paper was the same colour as the envelope, classic and smooth brown paper. It was him to a C (C being C for.. Cal. People usually say "it is them to a T" but C rhymes with T, clever. On same page?). I saw the back page first and saw him signing off. I grinned. Letters are amazing, they will always beat emails hands down. They are something physical that has traveled to your hands through a postal system, your eyes scanning real paper and ink. You can see the small imperfections (or if its my handwriting, my beautiful illegible doctor handwriting) of the person who wrote it, yet those imperfections become the personality of the letter. The thought flowing from mind to pen and paper, to finally flowing from paper to processing of that thought in the receiver. Ok ok, you get it. Letters=equal amazing in my eyes.
It was a beautiful letter and so well expressed, leaving me standing there just smiling. Smiling felt like such a limitation of how I felt inside.

Somehow I was convinced to dress up at work. And be the only person at work, who was dressed up for the day. Howard Carter was the fellow who discovered the tomb. It was to be 89 years tot he day that he had discovered it in 1922, so I was asked to dress up in 1920's aristocratic clothing for the day. I gotta admit though, I love wearing a suit. And wearing one with tails was bloody awesome. In the end I enjoyed it, more because of the two types of reactions from guests/staff. Either they looked at me and smiled and had curiosity about them as to what on earth I was doing. Then there were many who looked at me, didnt bat an eyelid and continued on their way. Melbourne indoctrinates people to expect crazy dressed up people.

Marissa and I went to Phillip Island. ONLY ever go to Phillip Island if you really really need to see the penguins. There is nothing else on that island that is worth seeing. I repeat, only if you want to be stuck in a tourist trap with thousands of other tourists watching little penguins come up from the beach. Marissa and I didnt even see this, but we DID get to see the Phillip Island Chocolate Factory and also Pirate Putt Putt Golf. We also saw an animal sanctuary through a cafe. One enclosure had a fake goanna in it. We sat and ate "home made pizza" while we took delight in watching tourists walk up, look at the goanna for about a minute and wondering if this goanna was just really sleepy, dead, or fake. Our day was made.

We had a day of hot weather yesterday. A day. Thanks Melbourne.

I was going to put up a video about Doctor Who I was introduced to by my friend Joseph but then thought, no, I wont.

Great Expectations

2011-10-28T13:51:00.005+11:00

Does anyone else find baby goats bloody cute? And not bloody that is linked to the word slaughter, but bloody like.. "amazing". Nah that doesnt sound any better.

It is near the end of October 2011. And this time last year I was in the USA having an adventure. NYC to be precise if I was to look at where I was this day last year, wondering around Central Park by myself and being asked to take photos of couples who were also exploring Central Park. This highlighted the fact I was alone. Not in a bad way, I just am also more the person to do the Gen Y, take a photo of yourself, type shot. But only when noone was looking. Asif I would wanna see anyone watching me take a self photo at some tourist location. That would make me look like a loser yeah? Well they can be the losers.. yeah... So yes, the trip was amazing and a year on, I still appreciated the time and the company. Yes I was not alone for most of the trip, just a lot of NYC. I need to give the city another chance when I have likeminded friends travelling with me.

Speaking of NYC, is 30 Rock as good as people go on about? I find it amusing at times but there are too many annoying characters to make it amazing.

So. I ate a rissole. What IS a rissole, the Americans may ask? And the Alaskans. Well it is like a large meatball that is flattened, thicker than a beef patty and is cooked often on an Aussie BBQ. Why am I informing the internet that I ate one. Well,it wasnt just any old rissole. The pub I was at, had a buffet dinner. You paid $7.50 and could eat all you wanted from a selection of potato salad, caesar sald, sausages, chicken bits (cause I am unsure what part of the chicken's form they were from) and rissoles. I had two rissoles and thought, "yum". Later that evening the buffet was packed up and I happened to be standing nearby. I cant deal with seeing food going to waste, so I was apalled to see them place the leftover meat in the alfoil tray and then this tray thrown in the bin. I mentioned to a mate with me that I could have had another rissole. He said, "Well why dont you?" I am always prepared to take on some bit of a dare. So I reached down and took a rissole out of the bin. Yes, I said that sentence. I justified and hey, I am still justifying that it was in a metal tray on the top of the bin. Others argue back, Lloyd, it was in the bin.
So I took a bite. Before I did, I noticed mine had a piece of cheese or mustard on top. It was inside a badly lit pub so couldnt tell. And then I chewed. I got the sudden texture and flavour of minted chewing gum combining with beef flavour. That was not cheese and/or mustard but gum. Some random person's gum. I froze, trying not to allow my senses to continue to inform me, gum and beef are in your mouth. This did not work.
You know those situations where you are standing in a group and you just did something a tad embarrassing, yet you want to pretend you didnt. Yep, that was me. Though everyone was slightly aware I had eaten it but if I spat it out my only option would be to do that into my hand (all class here!) The whole experience was worse inside my mouth than the potential embarrassment so I spat it out.
"Um, did you realise that it was from the bin and your morals fought against you?", Said a mate.
"Yeah.. it was cold.."
Small chuckle followed.
But then.. no.. the story of what happened, I couldnt keep it in. It was apalling and needed to share.
"There was gum on that rissole"
You can picture their reactions if it is anything like your own right now, and I am still being called Dumpster Diver...

A good friend of mine messaged me yesterday, informing me he wished to take a break from our friendship. He listed his reasoning and wished me all the best with everything. Naturally I was surprised and also baffled as to his reasoning. And I am not going to use my blog to defend myself, I am always happy to put up my hand if I am doing something wrong or if I suck at something. People are the most important thing to me. But my response simply is, some friendships you fight for, sometimes you cant. It is sad either way, and dislike disappointing people. We all have great expectations somewhere along the line.

My mate Joseph would like me to knit jumpers for penguins who are effected by the oil spill in NZ. I only have red wool, will they be confused? Would red penguins be outcasts?

I always find I am easily distracted by Wikipedia. I click from one article to the next as they all link in with each other. I was asked just before, "what are you up to?". Naturally I was reading a Wikipedia article on the mystery behind Australia's old Prime Minister Harold Holt who went missing and presumed dead off the coast of Victoria in the 1960s. And before that, I wanted to know about penguin jumpers.

Oats

2011-10-12T15:15:00.007+11:00

Oats are sitting in a clear plastic tub beside my desk. Supposedly they have been doing so since one of the first weeks of starting at my current job. I could eat porridge everyday of the year. Except when I wanted Vegemite toast or Corn Flakes. And somehow I wonder if there is judgemental thoughts that I still have these same rolled oats in the container and why have I not eaten them? The air inside too stale? Or maybe they just are not organic, steel-cut oats. Cause a book said once that its what you gotta eat. The cheap pack may have been cut by a second best pair of scissors.

I have been wanting to write about my adventure to Hobart. I only really realised how much of a story it is until I have verbally told people a few times now. And hey maybe it IS a verbal story that makes it a story? I may be setting myself up for a fall. But I do notice I do a lot of things these days so they can be stories. Isnt that what life is for? Dont worry, next entry will be simply the story, a teaser is awesome aint it. A flight to Hobart and back in one day, that wasnt paid by me but a complete stranger.

I went to Sydney last weekend and landed back to Melbourne last week. I had an amazing time for several reasons.

Though how did I initially get to Melbourne airport to head to Sydney you ask? That is usually the next question.
Well I had a text from a mate the night before I was flying out and he said. "Hi mate, me and my friend are on our way to Melbourne. We are moving to Melbourne and are 4 hours away! We have been volunteering on a nudist farm in Byron Bay for the last four months and now my mate is looking for a space in Melbourne where he can busk without having a license as he is broke."
It is the sort of text most people receive on a Friday night and so I shrugged and asked him where he was staying.
"Some place just on the outskirts of Melbourne, sleeping in our van".
Of course! Then naturally I thought, well my place is free for the next four days so I would let them stay at mine. I offered, he was stoked and they headed to mine. They said they would drop me off at the airport the next morning as a small thank you. I obliged and thought that was really nice and we said pleasantries and went to sleep. Bright and early we jumped into this van, that was scattered with boys stuff. They had to shift a lot of random shoes and gas bottles out of the way so I could fit in. And then we were off! Navigating through the CBD in the early hours of a Saturday was simple and we drove up onto the freeway. The E-Tag chimed in and both of them went, "Thanks Christians!". Supposedly the previous owners were a Christian couple who sold the old Tarago van for $900. Though seems they had forgotten to deregister the E-tag for tollways.
As it got lighter and the airport drew near, I was staring off in front of me. The front car seat where my mate sat looked like a front car seat. Though I noticed little whisps of smoke. Well, maybe smoke, or maybe steam? "Er.. guys.. there is some sort of gas like substance rising out of your seats..."
"Ohhh she is doing it again! Cool down baby, cool down.." Seems the van was heating up, and we passed the 2.5KM sign to the airport. I looked at my watch and I had 25 minutes to go.
"Do you mind if we pull over and cool her down?"
What other option did we really have.
Pulled over. Stopped. Opened the front car seat and exposed the engine, and a gush of steam escaped, peeling into the back seat with me and five odd shoes and a sleeping bag. This reminded me of the time when I was 7 and our family van broke down in the snow on a family ski holiday. That was not fun. And we got to know the town of Cooma way too well.
The boys had forgotten to place the cap back on the cool thingy. They filled it up with water and screwed it on. Seat clicked back into place, boys jumped in and doors shut. Engine started and indicator clicked on, we were on our way again. She chugged along and steered up the ramp to the departures. Thank you Tarago! With time to spare.

I walked into a wall inside my own Exhibition yesterday. You would think that after 8 months of walking through the same space I would not, but no, my eyes were still adjusting to a darker part of the galleries and SMACK. It also had to be during a really busy period. And as a lot of humans do, just kept walking and pretended it did not happen. The security guard and my colleague Kitty did not pretend this did not happen.

Back to thoughts on Sydney, I got to see my new nephew, Eden. He looked a bit pissed off that he was outside of the womb. As you would be, so many sights and smells and noises that you just suddenly have thrown around you and will continue to have happen to you for the rest of your life. The smiles will begin to come.

I also got to spend a sunset by Sydney harbour. It really cannot be beaten in its beauty, and with the warm spring air and the stillness around, it was beautiful. Caleb was with me and we got to have fun taking photos and being a bit creative, subtly trying to outdo each other with our ideas. That part was fun. This was a combined effort:

And this was all Caleb's idea this time:

I also got to visit my other brother, sister in law and their two awesome little girls. It is special to come back each time and see how much they have subtly changed and how their personalities keep sprouting and forming. Last time I saw my littlest niece she was quite shy and still quite baby like, three months later she is a cheeky and happy little girl, very keen to cling onto me and watch everything. Now this might just sound a tad gushy from a proud uncle and yes, apologies. But it just really makes you appreciate every little step.

And this is one of my favourite songs right now. Groove it up!!

Messing

2011-09-22T11:09:00.003+10:00

Wow I just stood up again, after sitting at this screen, some part of me has this fear in writing. Distraction supposedly protects me from writing. Wait, microwave just beeped. Cookie that was frozen is now not frozen, I will come back. OK I am eating the cookie. Pretty terrible. Who decides to produce and sell citrus, sultana and oat cookies? Not I, I decide to purchase them. Now I really have nothing more to say about the cookie, other than it is now stuck to the roof of my mouth and the citrus taste is regretful, possibly even apologetic.

What is so bad about sitting here and just writing? The clock keeps ticking and the fridge keeps humming, the birds outside keep singing. And before you know it, it turns into an appalling reflective poem. The whoosh of the wind taps my loose window panes and the snails... ok vomit vomit vomit.

The fear inside comes from thinking that, someone else writes, lots of people write. And they must be better and smarter and wittier than I am so why even bother starting sometimes. I think a lot of us can get like that. Or we just do not have something good enough to say. If we crap on about feelings or the onomatopoeia of... nah that word sounded good but totally forgotten what it means so will drop that train of thought. The fear also of screwing up. When you are given something good, you wanna hold it, whether it is physical or it was an event or an experience. You want to treasure it and not take it for granted. Cup it in your hands, peek inside and grin. But the wind may pick up and may blow it out of your hands. Or it may seep out, lacking breath. Though the key word being MAY. And the key word is forgotten and to protect yourself you say WILL. So you can easily give up and accept this WILL happen so why bother holding it. Let it go. Elliot the plant doesnt think like this, he hasnt moved all morning. There are some wild winds outside and every little leaf and branch outside is knocking around wherever the wind chooses to shake them next. Yet Elliot is still, in the foreground, totally calm and unaffected from the flurry outside. But screw it. There is also the other side. That wild wind, that lack of oxygen or just simple badly designed structure, cannot stop events, experiences. They happen and will continue to happen. And I have something to say, as does everyone. But I can only speak for me, and will continue to talk, continue to create. And good things happen. Cringe worthy words yep, but because overuse of phrases such as these have sucked the meaning out of them, doesnt mean I cant squeeze my eyes shut and smile. Sometimes your gut just says it all.

Now for all those who tuned out, hello. I was five once (or twice) and my aunty sat on a log beside the fire. We were down at the holiday house in Manyana (when I say down, I mean down from Sydney) and this log had been sitting there for ages. It was a summer night and the ocean could be clearly heard in the distance. Mosquito repellent and smoke married together with the warm evening, to create that distinct southern coast Australian smell. The fire was quite close to this log, and it sneakily licked out every now and then towards the wood. As my aunty sat there casually, something inside the log was not so casual. Something felt uncomfortable and unsafe, so decided to work out what this was. Sorry, some THINGS, not just one thing. My Mum was there also and notified my aunty, not to move. Her shoulder, her other shoulder, her left arm, and three different places on her back now had alarmed and anxious spiders quivering on them. Now come on, what person decides to go, "Ha, OK I wont move"? Though we really should be considerate of the poor spiders, freaked out by the heat threatening their home. No, rational thinking there. My aunty stood up and shook, shook shook shook. And also did a bit of human verbal diarrhea that meant she was panicking. The kinds of sounds I couldn't even type, cause they would sound Russian or something. The spiders went flying, some landed on my mum, some on the cool grass, and some landed in the fire. Option 1, 2 or 3, they didnt get to pick one. Nor did my mum. I have attached a photo, to show you what they look like. Yes the clock says "prestige":

I am not too scared of them and would be fine picking one up. I had to when they would crawl across my lap in my van I drove at 17. They loved the van as a home and so when I drove their home (in a slight jerky motion back then) of course they would be anxious. Though the screaming friends in the passenger seat as I hurtled along the freeway did not appreciate my calm approach. Trapped inside the van, jumping over into the back seat and getting stuck on the gear stick in the process, one foot stuck in the seatbelt. Though the spider I reckon had a sense of humour and would walk along the ceiling towards them, my friends shoe missing the spider by a mile and hitting my head instead. I had to pull over in the end, not cause I cared about my friend but cause my eyes were so filled with tears from laughing so much.

We could totally analyse why I am talking about spiders, but we shan't. Lets just listen to the wind.

Puff Paint

2011-09-13T13:05:00.002+10:00

Ok, since I admitted it a few weeks ago, I will again now.

I made a shirt in craft at school when I was 11. When I say made, I just painted it. The actual shirt was an old white polo shirt that I found in my brother's drawer. We all needed a white shirt for the activity at school, I forgot and last minute snuck into my brother's room and found the shirt. It was slightly off white, though when it was purchased it would have been "white".
So with my creativity in full swing and a set of puff paints, I decided to paint a Christmas tree, with some presents underneath. Though we all had to put the slogan, "Jesus is the Reason for the Season". So neatly underneath I wrote that. And I had a shirt that I proudly wore to Christmas Carol singing on the corner of the shopping town in Engadine with the other members from Church. I also wore it as a costume, but will tell you about that another time.

So a few weeks have gone by since I last wrote. Elliot the plant has grown, I am successful for now (with the plant that is), and I keep getting to know a fella called Mike. We went down to this beautiful part of the world called Anglesea, just before the start of the Great Ocean Road. I do miss the ocean, one of the sacrifices of moving to Melbourne. You may argue if you are a Melbournite that it is next to the ocean. Yes, technically, yes. But Melbourne, you have a bay, and it is flat and the water a disturbing colour for a bay. One that no desire inside of me decides to nudge me and go, "Hey Lloyd, swim!" Possibly if I was covered in a hot substance, like fire. But the Ocean is about waves and raw white/blues/grays crashing and singing. Mike did oblige nicely and we went down onto the actual beach. It was not swimming weather but at least part of me did nudge me and say, "Hey swimming wouldnt be totally out of the question, no?" And the wind roared back onto us from the Ocean. It was like it was breathing onto us, I opened my mouth and it filled my lungs. Fresh and brilliantly clean. Ocean.. yes I miss you. But the weekend was great and the clash of movie titles occurred. First it was 'Inglorious Bastards' then followed by 'Notting Hill'. Mike has no control over these posts so I will say Mike chose the latter. He loves them movies that make him cry. Joking aside, do people watch sad movies to evoke their own emotions from their own memories? Or is it simply a human being upset over a tragic story that they can relate to as humans? Mutually exclusive perhaps.

Last weekend (the weekend before the ocean weekend) I decided to surprise my Dad for Father's Day. I flew up on Sunday afternoon after work and timed it so he arrived back from Church and there was Lloyd standing on his doorstep to say hello. I had made him a card, I used markers from work and drew a spotty tie and expressed how much I really do value him. Without Dad, aside from the obvious giving me life thing, could not have done many of the amazing adventures in my short life. Through simple support and sometimes the good old parent financial aid, he loves me unconditionally. Even if I make crap cards.

Also met up with the girls from work who were on a luxury weekend away in Sydney. I gate crashed it and then moaned a lot of the time as they continued to do girl things like Yoga (which I was forced to do also) and then flower shopping. All of this was also when I had my pyjamas on as Kitty thought my pyjamas were suitable yoga attire. I thought we were heading straight back to the car, but no. We went to one of the most expensive suburbs in Sydney for brunch. I kinda loved it though. PJs in daring places, kind of like people not knowing you got no underwear on yeah?

They are eating chips.

So am I.

Tutankhamun finishes in another few months and so those flags inside my head (the non-literal kind) remind me that I need to find work. And they will not be lowered until there is some new form of employment I know is to be lined up. There is so much inside of me that I want to explore through my career and it is just the point where I need to choose which part. Or can I involve all parts? No limitations should be applied. Kind of like IKEA but not made in Sweden. Sweden does seem to be a cool destination though, make note to go there.

I wonder how long my flat has been around? Wish I could ask it. Doesnt talk back usually so its establishment date really wont be an exception. Yeah nope, no answer.

Postcard

2011-08-26T22:18:00.005+10:00

"I just got your postcard"
"What?"
"I just got your postcard"
"Where did you go?"
"I just got your postcard"
"You went where?"

The skype call distorted, showed half a camping lantern, and half my mum's ear. I decided I would at least amuse myself by continuing to repeat myself.

"I just got your postcard"
"I dont think it is a very good signal"
"No, I dont think so either. I just got your postcard".

The sound of Skype hanging up occurred, and it went back to just the ticking of the clock. A pop up message on the video program filteree through my dimly lit apartment.

Mum: R u there?
Lloyd: Yes
Mum: We... (user is typing).... {wait 30 seconds}... We r not having a good signal.
Lloyd: Yes Mum, we are not. Another time?
Mum is offline.

Hey, it is the thought that counts. She continues to drive around Australia, currently south of Broome. Might see her in December.

On Wednesday I did the random thing of going to a local bar's annual Drag Queen awards. Was a mate's 30th and he thought it would be fun to do. I didnt have to work the next day and my friend Renata from work wanted to come too. One of those nights where nothing was expected (you may see a pattern forming) and we have a lot of funny memories from the evening. One being the fact Renata (female, just to specify) was asked to enter the contest, so she did. She was an absolute champion. Some of the other contestants were not sure if she was female or male, and were quite pushy for her to prove it. I had to apologise to her later for bringing her somewhere that involved her having to prove she was a woman. She laughed. And my other favourite memory was when I walked past a drag queen, and my tie (yes, I was wearing a tie) got hooked on her sequin dress. I just had to look up how to spell sequin. An awkward situation occurred. My tie was hidden underneath a plastic wig and the dress smelt like my neighbour's Rock Eisteddfod outfit from the early 90's. Side step, Rock Eisteddfods were and still are for schools all around Australia to perform in musical style performances (I guess a bit like Glee Club.. kinda??) and most had sequins in and bike pants. I just had to look up how to spell this as well, it is a Welsh word. BACK to the story, so I had no idea how my tie had become attached but the drag queen became a bit distressed as she did not know why I was tugging on her dress.
"Stop it!!"
Shouting over the noise of the pub, "Sorry! My tie seems to have become attached to your dress!"
"Stop it!! Now!!"
Fumbling, my hands became mixed up in masses of brown fake hair, and swirls of makeup smell slightly touched my senses though old beer quickly covered them up again. Others began to watch, wondering why I was slightly bent over this drag queen, like I was biting their back.
"Erm, sorry, tie.. wont.. unclasp or untangle! Hang on!!"
"What are you doing?? It isnt funny!"
"Trying.. to get unstuck.. "
It did not help when others kept trying to push past in the crowded pub. I squinted my eyes and still the tie attached to the Dorothy shoe red sequins. I felt if I yanked it I would either screw up my tie or her dress. I didnt want to do the latter more so. I decided to do the smart thing of walking the way I came and bam, released.
She turned around straight away and looked might impressed (see how I use sarcasm?) and I just shrugged and kept walking. If they didnt hear me the first, second and third time, its just not gonna work.

My mate Damian and I sat in the cinema last week, we went to see a movie called "Hanna" which actually was not too bad. While we were waiting for the curtains to go up, and they actually do at this one, we heard two ladies talking nearby. The only comment that stood out was, "So my friend is doing chemo, but like, the one that does not make your hair fall out. Gosh she has lost so much weight, she looks so good!" Damian and I just looked at each other. I didnt know what to say.

Mandarins in a vase really look better than in the fridge. It is like they are now trying to make a statement, as they slightly sweat it out.

What is going on with this pen? They sell these at work. She just looks.. unsure. Perplexed?

Fort

2011-08-21T21:28:00.003+10:00

When I hear the beginning of the kettle boiling, it makes me think of the times I was gently woken up in the lounge room under a fort of pillows, Dad boiling the kettle. I would hear the gentle distant roar, the kettle waking up from a deep sleep, louder and louder. Click of the kettle and a random clearing of the throat by my dad. Then splash of hot water filling the cold ceramic mug. That really quiet splash but so familiar. Would mean I survived the scary sleep out in the lounge room and I remember the uncertain noises coming from behind the piano when the old kitchen clock said 5:10am. I pushed the pillow wall over next to where my sister was meant to sleep until she chickened out at 9pm last night, just after 'The Bill' finished. She was concerned some chav's from Tooting would get her, she was seven.. And in Australia. Anyways I was the brave one, 11 years old and king of the leather cushion and old blanket cubbyhole. It may not have been the most structurally sound but the heavy Yosemite National Park book on top of the table that held the blanket up only fell on my sister once during setup.

Oh I am on the tram. Two sets of couples were so focused on each other they both forget to hold onto a bloody pole and fall onto me. No apology either, which is fine since I never did apologise to that blind man that time, but no point making excuses.

Magnolia's are out! First symbol winter is dying. Mike pointed out that they remind him of purple flames amongst the trees. I like this image, and bring a fire extinguisher just in case.

Marissa and I went for a spontaneous bike ride the other day. No expectations always lead to surprise. I had no idea how beautiful the scenery is by the Yarra river, we decided to ride along it. Some parts were like Wind in the Willows, some other areas were like Waterworld (the big budget flop which then became successful as a stunt show at Universal Studios), with the boardwalk for the track laid right on the river. In summary, we felt like kids going on a Saturday afternoon adventure! And we both left the day with big grins on our faces, and what more can you ask for in a day of your life? We sat there and watched the sunset over Melbourne, the faint smell of new flowers and ants taking the crumbs of cheese we left.

I had a bath tonight. My bath is about 4 foot long. So I end up having my legs scrunched up against the shower wall to fit my torso in. To an onlooker (not like I would have onlookers in this situation) it must look mighty awkward. It is just a bit less awkward for me, the one experiencing it. And I swear as I have gotten older, my hands wrinkle so much faster in the water. Is this a sign of getting older? And I will admit, I still make my bath a bubble bath. Though my shower gel sucks as bubble bath, the bubbles do not have the right consistency for relaxing. Why? Because they pop too fast and make a lot of noise and so there is no peaceful silence, just that quiet crackle, especially the ones stuck in your ear that you cant get rid of. Yep, so the reason I share this with you is because I was going onto say, I listened to a song. This was the song, reminds me of being up near Bundaberg in QLD and laying in a Spa with the ocean in the background, parrots in the trees and the worries of then were so different to any worries I have now. I am thankful for my worries now. I was not of the past worries. I will say worries just once more. There, worries.

I laid in the bat

Beef and Mushroom Pie

2011-08-19T13:15:00.000+10:00

“Two Beef and Mushroom pies?” is announced as the waiter with the sleeve tattoo walked across to the cheap looking table.

“Yes!” Gestured a man with a black jacket (the type sold at one of those stores where they sell jackets for Dads at a low cost). He was at a totally different cheap looking table. Though this one was red cheap, the other a brown tinge cheap. Sleeve tattoo man ignored this as he placed the two pies on the brown table. The two customers at this table seemed willing receivers of these pies and silently accepted.

The jacket man casually yet more awkwardly placed his hand back down again, realizing the pie announcement was not for him. He looked around slightly, if he pretended he didn’t shout out, no one else would know. Maybe he had also ordered two pies that were the beef and mushroom variety, though he was sitting alone and to have two pies is greedy. Not like he cared about that I am sure. Back to the sports tips in the paper. The broadsheet newspaper took up all of the room on his part of the table, along with the space next to him. It is one of those unsaid rules of personal space at a café table, keep to your space, yet he had broken it. The paper was laying across the space of a young man who had flushed cheeks and a flushed red jumper to match. Red jumper guy looked at the paper then at the man, then back at the paper. It was half turned, ready for the next page of sport jargon, while he waited for his coffee. He was not staying.

The pie still hadn’t come, did he even order a pie or does he like to just accept any food coming his way? His wife Kathy was at home and so this café was brilliant for his whereabouts currently. Whether he had ordered a pie or not.

The smooth slide of a plate was heard, looking up, his pie arrived. One pie, beef and mushroom.

The little girl at the smaller cheap brown table swung her legs and grinned at jacket man. She was with Daddy and her Panini was bigger than her head and her forced pigtails. The kind of pigtails her mother was trying to encourage and tend to, like the mother’s garden hedge. They were quaint, cute and also open to other compliments by passers by, both the hedge and pigtails alike. Daddy had a pie. Pie’s are popular. Though the build up and drip of a chunk of corn and chicken that fell to the plate referred this pie to the non-beef and mushroom variety. Pies yes, though not all one variety. Though the word variety is still relevant. Daddy constantly kept his face down to his plate and ate, the girl averting her eyes back to Daddy, as Jacket man was not entertaining and nor did he smile back when she did. Looking up into her milkshake cup, metal and frosted, slight pink milk dribble down the side . She reached up to stir it casually, Daddy still staring at his pie, there seemed to be waves of concern over his face. Was it the pie causing this or the argument waiting for him later on?

Jacket man slid his chair, making a loud and attentive sound. The “I am leaving and paying” kind of sound, his chair was his instrument. Walking up to the counter, giving exact change then he left, headed back to his wife Kathy, Friday afternoons meant Sudoku and Kathy always needed help. Not the kind of help he enjoyed to give, but his duty that he had prolonged enough this afternoon.

The waitress smiled at me as she approached, “Wow, I love that sticker on your laptop!”

“Yeah, do you understand it? “

“Apple Juice!”

“Yep, you are one of the few to work that out!”

“Well its cool, where did you get it?”

“So you understand the sticker says ‘juice’ and has the shape of a juice box and then the apple symbol on my mac goes in the middle of the sticker overlay therefore combining the two and causing it to look like an ‘apple juice’ image?”

“Yeah, didn’t I confirm this before”

“I was checking.”

“Ok. So where did you get it?”

“I bought it online, I bought two as I was unsure which one to get. They were five bucks each, the other is ET interacting with the apple sign.”

“What store?? I am excited, I love it”

“Are you sure you don’t love me?”

“What?”

Awkward silence. Thankfully the other waiter, tattoo sleave walked up to the conversation, “Are you guys talking about the sticker on his mac?”

“Yep, sure are.”

Sleave waiter walks up futher, “It is really cool! Apple Juice!”

“Oh so you get it too??”

“Yeah! I used to watch the Game Show ‘Catch Phrase’ so I am good with things like that!”

“Well done, you guys are a rarity!”

Both waiters smiled, and headed back behind the counter. They then continued to chat, one making a blue milkshake, a very non-descript flavor might I add, the other pushing buttons on a microwave. The microwave was black.

Forced pigtail girl and Daddy stand up and go pay. A faint smile is made from Daddy to his daughter and change is handed over. She is allowed to buy a Mars Bar also and she grins, grabbing his hand as they walk out. The cool overcast air runs over them as they exit, turning left, not right.

OK, back to writing. I am not the type to go, “Right I need plotlines and characters, who, what, where, when, why and how.” Does that matter, or does that mean I wont ever compose a story. Do musicians just play what sounds good or do they plan what climaxes and what mellow areas of the song will exist, prior to listening. I think both musicians would exist. They do exist.

“How much is a square metre of coffee?” the guy wiped his glasses while asking.

“I don’t even know what that means? Said his friend, he also had glasses but was not cleaning his.

His wife sat next to him, her face shiny yet her face dull. So it was the shiny dull look that so often occurred with her, and her sister. She was totally not interested in her husband with glasses and his mate with glasses’ conversation. She was actually assessing the lady’s shoes that just walked in.

These shoes made no sound but yet they really did scream, “Hello, I was made far away from here”. The owner’s necklace said nothing. Though she (the owner, not the necklace, necklace’s do not have a sex in this story) was another middle aged woman with blonde streaked hair that lay flat and did not necessarily promote volume, informed the Apple Juice waitress she was waiting for “someone”.

Apple Juice waitress then smiled and filled up the China Jasmine tea I ordered with hot water. She knows I do not like it strong, because the tea seems to choke your tongue, make it thick and gritty. Why do I order it? Habit, and also the way it looks when you first pour it out. There is something clean about it, happily filling up into the white ceramic. Also makes me feel grown up and mature. It does not make me grown up though, because if tea did that, life would be less complicated. Because how awkward if a four year old makes a cup of China Jasmine tea for herself (what kind of mother lets a four year old play with boiling water? Terrible mothers no doubt) and then the four year old suddenly knows how to discuss and reflect on the human experience. If this is what maturity means, awareness and knowledge of mankind’s experience. Her discussions and would not be appreciated by her peers as she enters Kindergarten in 12 months. They are all talking about who is better at jumping on the logs that are spaced out (not so evenly) in the playground. She rolls her eyes and goes down to their level.

So let us all be thankful that tea does not create maturity. The worst thing that will occur with 4 year olds, boiling water and some smuggled China Jasmine tea is soggy cake and a spilled plastic pink cup, maybe a disgruntled teddy bear. No child is hurt in this scenario, other than his/her pride. Pride to them though is also cut down when they hug a stranger’s leg, mistaking it for their dad’s leg. Mortifying, as the adults around giggle at how cute that was.

The mother with the loud bangles at the grey table is a mother that will be treasured by her twin daughters, now and in the future. She does not dress them in the same clothes, or matching clothes. One is looking like an edgey hippy child and the other, skater girl. They may be six but they know the difference between each other. One sips a Chocolate milkshake, the other a blue milkshake that Apple Juice waitress made earlier. Their mum and her friend (who is wearing an identical jacket to black jacket man earlier), chat about potted plants, and how amazing herbs are. They make dinners taste so much better. Oh and also renovations. Is there an age where this becomes interesting? I also blame those renovation shows.

The owner of the talking shoes still waits for her “someone”. She looks across at the grey table where the twins sip their milkshakes, listening to the renovation conversation. She looks as bored as her necklace is. The newspaper in front of her is invisible, only pretend focus is made. She may as well be staring at the yellow table underneath, the Booth style. Shuffling the paper and turning a page, once again, looking through the paper, words and images meaningless, her elbow slides across. She looks into her handbag, locates keys and her shoes once again silently talk the same talk as she exits. Table, newspaper and renovation talk are reasons to leave the café it seems, whether her someone was coming or not. One of the twins waves to her as she leaves, hippy twin of course.

Chef, has a chef costume on. Well, chef uniform but hey, it’s a costume if you are not a chef. It is debatable that he is a chef, Panini’s and heated up pies being the specialty, and I am pretty sure Apple Juice waitress helps. He looks happy though, Dan is at Chef’s house and has already driven to the Bottle shop, boozy night ahead. Sarah may just be a little easier this time, and Chef may not be sleeping alone tonight.

The “someone”, that the owner of the shoes was waiting for, has arrived. They have passed like ships in the night as they discuss their ship’s movements on the phone. They laugh at the analogy, well he does, as her laugh is not audible through a mobile. I so carelessly assume the laugh was there. He hangs up, his gold chain necklace would have gone so well with her lifeless one. Unsure about the shoes, he is dressed to advertise himself, his watch glinting like the golden chain. He looks safe in himself though. He sits at the same place she did, and he has adopted the newspaper she flicked through earlier with as little purpose as her attempt.

One twin (hippy twin) has gone and the other twin stays with the friend of the mother. A dumbed down conversation occurs, discussing how hard it is to focus on swimming lessons and that skater twin is a better swimmer than hippy twin. Though really, we all know that she can get away with saying this as hippy twin is not there. This would not be mutually agreed on if hippy twin was there. They also apparently only swim at one pool, they are not multi pool adapted. This is such a better discussion than the renovation one with the mums and the girl looks pleased. Renovations suck.

The owner of the shoes enters again, greets the gold chain man, her “someone” and they discuss that their ships have docked into the same harbor.
Such a beautiful analogy that they chuckle at. The newspaper is pushed aside and folded and they confirm they are both busy people. Like me, I am busy. And that they dislike lateness, he shrugs his shoulders and apologizes once again.

Scissor paper rock is played out aggressively between a child licking his icecream and his Dad, the red table welcoming another set of visitors. This game is so much fun. I wonder if another element will be added to this game ever, whether stapler could be added? Or knife? Stapler would beat paper, have a discussion about being stationery items with scissors and be smashed by rock. Stapler could then return to scissors and discuss how much it sucks to be smashed by rock but how they can crumple paper. No, they would be allies, it would not work. The original trio are different personality types with different strengths and weaknesses. I dare not meddle with a classic game passed down through the ages. So lets not even start with knife, too violent. Though scissors are banned on aircraft these days, unless they are those child safe scissors.

Gold chain man, continued to interrupt their business-like meeting by answering his constant ringing phone. His insincere apologies are answered with “its fine” style remarks with a fake laugh from the owner of the shoes. She looks across to the humming fridge, the juice she ordered from this fridge half full and half green. Green juice is going down well it seems. He just finished the call and is back into his waving hands and talking routine. He has lessened the use of hand gestures these days. His presentation about developing nations in grade 10 geography class involved a heavy inclusion of his flying around arms, and was marked down for how distracting they were.

The famous afternoon sun entered without announcement and the peeling image of Greece on the wall lights up. It looks a tad more enticing but not enticing enough to dive into, too flat and flakey. Though the sun was just giving a sneaky preview, as it fades through the overcast afternoon again and leaves the store, no goodbye is necessary. It’s presence, even though brief, was missed straight away. The older lady in the corner with the mauve glasses (her optometrist told her they were hip, and hip they are) pays for her carton of milk, smiles and shuffles out, the door ringing gently behind her. Billy is waiting on the milk.

Trivia

2011-08-08T11:35:00.005+10:00

"Hey, my name is Lloyd. Like the car."
"The car?"
"Yeah, my mate called his car Lloyd one time."

Had a few drinks with an old good friend the other evening. Spoke of his experience of accepting an oscar (yes, that sounds wanky to drop that in but screw it), and what was going through his mind while on that stage. One of those moments where you cannot even process what was going on and if this was actually happening. Though my favourite part of what he said is when his mother commented that when you google his name, the second search option says his name and then "gay" and the third option is his name and "boyfriend", and in a disappointing seventh place was his name and "producer".

Warning: Gym story ahead so to those, like myself who dislike people talking about the gym, especially on facebook, go to the next paragraph. I love the amount of old asian people in my gym. They are always smiling and exercising away, talking together. I want to be old and asian so I can talk with them.

Still talking about the gym. No, I am kidding. Horses!!

Just saw snaps of a guy being arrested in the London riots right near my old home in Brixton. I always defended Brixton as a safe place, I did not have much proof for my side of the argument and if you Google Brixton riots, there are a few words about it. But hey Jake and Blake (see my references about my fake pet gay Candadian Geese in the 2006 entries) did not seem to mind living there and they are the peaceful type.

Have you ever gotten your hand stuck inside a tissue box when reaching for one of the last tissues? You feel slightly dumber as a human being.

Off to Trivia night again tonight. This time last week I had no idea what was gonna happen in the last week. I really didnt say much in that statement. I may as well say, last week when I went to the grocery store, I had no idea my Dad was to call me on the following Saturday. Geesh. So really, what I am saying is, something unexpectedly nice has occurred since last week's trivia and it's fun being vague on here.

Kimbra, below. I am seeing her in a few weeks, she had that odd quirkiness that makes her music kinda creepy but good. I like this video, especially the creepy young girl dressed as a 50's housewife.

PS - Elliot

Naps

2011-08-05T20:37:00.002+10:00

I was asked today, if I did not grow up being told I was a sinner everyday, who would I be? I sat there being kinda cynical and thought, well I would be someone else, not me. He pushed further with the question and asked me again, "if you were not told countless times that who you were was someone who constantly did the wrong thing, who would you be?"
I didn't know what to say. I instantly felt defensive and unsure. Stumped as such. The concept of not feeling that weight and constriction was so far away from me as a rainbow is, always moving further away if you step closer to it.
I fell into a well of thought, no bucket to bring me back up straight away, but the coolness of what that would be like, deep and dark and endless of what the possibilities of who I could be if I did not grow up that way. But then, I was reminded, I still can be all that, whether I was told that or not.

But also just want to make it clear, growing up was not a painful experience constantly. Hey it is sure, but I had such a loving and warm home. I think it can be easy to either blanket it with one coloured blanket. Multicoloured blankets are a bit more souvenir shop like and complicated. IKEA blankets that are one colour and cheap, are easy. What?

I think I had one of the best first dates of my life tonight.

I fell asleep for a nap today, set my alarm and everything, even though I am anti-nap. But I was sleepy and it was day one of four days off, so I felt the luxury was welcomed. Just like eating cheesecake even though it is pretty disgusting but if you are at wedding reception and there is no option, you will eat it. Well, I do, you may not. So yeah, nap nap nap, then I hear a distant buzzing sound. It is my phone, I look across and its 6pm. What?? I set myself a 20 minute nap at 4pm! And my drinks were at 5:30pm. Shit shit shit... I slid the touch screen to answer, "Hey, shit shit shit". Stressed me out on two levels, I hate the feeling after waking up from a nap as you have no idea what country or time zone or dimension you are in. It may be that you are 11 again and its time to wake up for school, or you may be 55 and thought you were dreaming of when you were 27 and now you are back awake again and its mexico outside and slightly chilly. The second reason it stressed me out is that I am an on time person. This situation happened to be a date also, and the good old saying "First impressions... something or other" may could well have applied. Though thankfully, I dont think it did and it will be a story. For whatever reason, like those moments, they are stories of your life. That will be brought up, at a dinner or drinks with mates at age 37 where you go, "So I accidentally stood up a date when I napped a tad too long cause iPhone technology sucked back in 2011, and I set my alarm for 4:30am, not pm". And my mate Barry (cause Barry is a brilliant Australian name and I aim to find a friend who has this name) will go, "Oh Lloyd, thats a funny story, it made me chuckle and relate to a time I had a nap and left the fridge running with a child inside". I didnt say anything about whether Barry was sane or insane.

I like to ride my bike, and I shall express this thought, soon.

Location:Lansdowne St,East Melbourne,Australia

Engadine

2011-07-20T10:33:00.003+10:00

I walked along the slopey and rocky footpath past my old church last week, used to love doing this as a kid. Now I have old clark leather shoes on and I have a beard. Not a kid.

Its ok, I am alive. I was writing and then stopped and then wrote and then stopped.

I wrote this though:

Writing this while in my brother's old bedroom in our old family home. It has rained all week, which has been great. Always loved my home growing up when it rained, as the metal roof made the rain louder and if you were cuddled up in bed it was the most comforting sound. But if it was winter, you have to lie really still and not slide your feet across to other part of the bed as it would be cold and who wants to have to go through the experience more than once of warming up the bed.
Thunder just rolled down the street and a dog barked. More rain. The splash sound as cars drive past the top of the street. And this bed gets more and more comfy.
My nephew came in before, he walks but cannot walk on a bed yet, way too unstable. You throw him up high and he giggles a lot and has learnt the word "more" much to his advantage. He is just stoked at that. I wish my plant said "more" when it needed water. Look further down the page to read about the plant, as I have placed this in as a warning.

Then I got back from Sydney and I wrote this:

My cousin told me this blog was emotional vomit. I actually had no issue with her saying this, as perceptions really do fascinate me. This really could be seen as emotional vomit. I just blurt out whatever comes into my head and it is usually emotive. Vomit also comes out unexpectedly, so in a beautiful harmony, vomit and emotion mix together, with chunks of carrot and sometimes corn.

I got home from Sydney after a fairly uneventful trip other than seeing loved ones (yep that part was eventful), and got texts from friends all saying welcome home. Welcome home. Yeah I would say it is home now, it has been 6 months today since I flew here and wheeled my suitcase next to the bluestone gutters that are so familiar in Melbourrne. And I do not regret it at all, I love it.

I bought a plant. It has green leaves that then turn into red leaves at the top of the plant. I walked into a florist when I saw it in the window, with a lovely rafia bow (Gee, I have rafia and a bow in my house. This reminds me of my mum in the 90's making rafia hats at christian camp). I walked in and after the quick smile and chat that its cold outside, asked her what plant in here will survive in an apartment. She pointed to the red one and destiny was mine. An old man came out the front of the shop and wrapped it up in brown paper(must be his duty, maybe his only one), I do not know why but it protected Elliot from the cold. Elliot is the plant's name, and he does not have a star sign.

I love that I do not lose my romantic bone, or romantic heart for that matter. I can keep hurting myself and yet I still have that hope. It also projects back on the love I have felt and also given and there is a memorial service to that past sometimes. Some mix tape is played and a sad song or a happy song is there, but there are so many songs yet to be written that will remind me of a future love and other songs that have been written that have simply not been discovered by me, that will be introduced by someone who will make me smile.

Have not seen Mr Fox for a while. Some say he may have been ousted as Mr Fox and is now just Fox, over in St Kilda. Sucks hey.
I have noticed that Tram Drivers, wave to each other. Just as in Sydney, Bus drives wave to each other. It makes me wonder if the entire bus company or train company of drivers know each other or do they do it as some social formality. "You drive a Tram too and are going past me, hello!!" And the wave returns to them "Gday mate".

I saw this video and the words are haunting, he is such a great artist and it just gets topped off when Kimbra turns up in the video. She rocks.

Coffin

2011-07-11T11:11:00.005+10:00

Something I value about jobs is finding the really cool aspects and then sit outside of yourself and smile. Painting a base of a wall in one of the galleries for King Tut and having a 3500 year old golden coffin sitting there near me. Noone else is inside the galleries and it is late at night. My music playing from another of the rooms, educating the artifacts on music from 2011. Something about it, was just simply, simple.

I had a dinner party last night. Vegetarian style, and I so reminded myself of my mother. I do not know how that happened, but just how she loved to cook and host, I like doing the same. Though not the same kinds of food, my own twist. I like cooking but do not like those cooking shows and reality comps like Masterchef. It makes it so common and addictive and generic. Just like when you fight with window blinds and you pull the rope cord and the stupid thing does not catch or it lopsides and not straight across. And you end up communicating way too heavily with strips of metal and rope as to why it is not cooperating with your desire for less or more light.

Had my mate Dave here the past few days and he inspired me to go back to the ACMI (Some letters representing the museum of the moving image I think) and so I took another friend Bernard and his sister there. There is this pretty cool (yes Dave, pretty cool) wheel that moves around and around and then the lights start flashing and it comes to life. This is kind of stupid to explain in writing as I bet you have no idea what I am saying.. youtubing now... There, just watch.

And so, was showing them and then they walked out half way. Rude. Only to discover his sister is epileptic. Oh. So just check beforehand next time. Epileptic warnings are there for a reason.

Off to Sydney in a few days. My thoughts currently are mainly drained at trying to organise to hang with people. It is not an easy task. Funny how visits to see friends/family is not a holiday. Though hey, if my chicken Denise was still alive, I would be guaranteed to be chilled. Maybe I will find her grave. Just as much talking would go on, pre or post her death. RIP once again Denise.

I found this photo on my camera, taken the day I was about to move to Melbourne. I put it as my facebook profile. Because I was not smiling people told me it was a bad photo. Does a photo of a face have to be smiling to be a good one? I just liked the rawness, but trying not to be up myself with it. We attempt this all the time and fail yeah?

Fantastic Mr Fox

2011-07-07T11:40:00.004+10:00

There have been some early morning starts, and on my way through the park, I see a fox. Now some of you, maybe even most of you, would think this is not odd. It is odd. CBD Parks at 6am prior to lightness usually only have possums, maybe a keen cyclist who is break the rules of no riding in the park and lots of trees and grass. Not a fox. And this fox was the kind of fox I think about when I think of the fox Roal Dahl would have based his book on. Will also point out that the average Aussie has not seen a fox in person before. I cannot speak for every Australian as I am sure the outback ones and country ones see them often, or the remains that Foxes have left behind in cliche chicken slaughters. But not I.
Walking along in the dark towards work, the fox is just standing there on the grass next to me. I feel like I am in an episode of some surreal scene from Six Feet Under and having a moment with a wild animal as we keep staring at each other. He is panting and has some fog coming out of his breath, and then he runs in circles and stops again. Like he is wanting to play. I am still partly waking up and so confused as to what I am seeing is real. There is a deserted garbage truck nearby and the fox kept running around it. I was trying to work out if the garbage man was inside and he has a pet fox. For some reason that was my best conclusion. I just kept walking.
Then the next week, same place in the park, there was the fox. I had mentioned the previous time to a few friends and they all said "are you sure it is not a possum?" I know what a bloody possum looks like. Orange, small dog size, very fast and darty, big bushy tail and white underside. He looks so happy and stoked to be alive and running around. Though this time the garbage truck was not there so either garbage man was sneaking in the bushes watching or he did not exist and this was a wild fox that just happened to setup camp in this park. Would make sense, plenty of vermin and stuff around and hey, how many brave foxes get to the CBD to live? Some do obviously. So he is actually Fantastic Mr Fox. This time I fumbled and turned my music off on my iPhone and it was still, he was panting again, run a bit, look at me, run some more. I went to take a photo, but this made him bolt off under a tree in the dark. So I kept walking. Til next time Fox.

A Brazilian guy I dated for a very short while turned up at my door the other night, very late and very drunk. He came in, I asked him what was wrong and he started getting upset and told me he loved me, over and over again. I didnt know what to say. That word is so precious to me, so did not understand why someone would say that, especially when he didnt know me for that long and has not seen me in a while either.

There was a clairvoyant at work last week. She had been hired as "entertainment" for the Night sessions of Tut. I had never done anything like that before and was slightly curious, she was doing tarrot card readings. My colleagues went to her, and then I finally did. It was a 5 minute session and didnt really get much from it but hey, it was in a cafe in a museum. So the jury is out on that one.

I have a photoshoot coming up, I will share the results once they have happened. Getting off my ass more and being constructive. Like a Construction worker at a construction site. Constructing things.

And my mint plant sucks. I tried, I tried to look after it but it died. There is this one bug that lives in it though so at least I made something a home. This home will be transported to outside in the dull garden, to make more homes. I really am a life giver.

And this song, some truth in it.

3am

2011-06-26T22:22:00.004+10:00

The quiet noise of the ABC news radio music, with the gentle tone of how many hours it is. 3. The official Australian ABC accent of the newsreader, not quite British and not quite Australian, kind of like a grandfather I never knew. The hum of the car. The smell of my blanket and pillow, safe and warm. Constant sleepiness, as my family heads to some holiday. Two more hours until McDonalds breakfast and until my sister and I can choose the music, and not have the ABC radio on. Randomly getting bored and I poke my sister's ear through the pillows on her side of the car.

Have you ever decided to speak in random gibberish while looking in the mirror, imagining yourself as foreign? Yeah neither.

I had a good time with Dad when he was down. I think the main lesson I learnt is, if you ask your parents questions, they actually might answer in an open and honest way when you are both adults. I learnt so much. And I got to go to dinner with Dad and an old school mate of his. Watching them talk about the funny and eventful memories they have from when they were my age and younger gave me a grin. It is those times I do see myself in my Dad.

I attempted a favourite slice of mine that I have always wanted to be able to make. And somehow, it worked! Though Dorris and Bev never showed up for afternoon tea.

I like the Weepies. I cant recall if I have said this before and it is not about their name. If anything, their band name is quite sad when their music is quite raw and happy. Well, this one isnt as much, but I still like them. They bring back sad, sometimes painful but also happy memories. This is from their latest album and they sound just as good live, rare rare rare.

Sometimes I find writing here, I write everything but what the main thought of mine is right now. I try and suck out any other random passing thoughts, even for just a second, so that I do not type what I am really thinking. Like a dog that is really selective about what cats to chase. Or like a bus that is picking everyone up, not just the seniors.

Personalised Street

2011-06-20T11:55:00.004+10:00

I have this awesome new scarf, it is awesome simply because it was made for me. My friend Lucy actually knits, and she has since I have known her, and I finally have something that was made for me, clothing wise. The knit feels soft and when you run your fingers over each loop in the stitching, it is a loop, every loop, that was made with a purpose of creating warmth. Whoah whoah, lets not go deep with knitting!

I hate sunny windy days. It defeats the purpose of the sun. Love overcast windy days because they make sense to me. They tell me to stay inside and nap, or watch episode 5 of season 5 of Weeds, maybe episode 6 too. But sunny days in general, you feel you should go outside, but if the wind is howling, you still feel you cannot be inside. See my point? Yeah thought so. Pretty sure Sue does, while she types up that report for Mr Ruso. Dont ask me who Sue is.

Dad has just landed at Melbourne Airport, he should get to my house soon. He is here to visit for a few days, I feel lucky that he makes the effort to come here. So the pressure is on to make it fun, though already have plans for a dinner tonight with Marissa and Dad.

I still like my street sign, it is "My Road". I could use many metaphors, or the other one that is like a metaphor, on the symbolism of this. But then I dont get to talk about how awesome cream is on top of porridge. Brown sugar, milk and a small serving of cream, makes porridge just OK.

Love this photo... A fun and relaxing morning up the mountains a few weeks ago. I already did a report on that.

PS I like this song. I think the trumpet reminds me of the ABC News song, which you know, romantic and stuff. "?".

2011-06-14T18:41:00.005+10:00

Bells Beach. I am so warm.

I feel that in my life, every relationship I have had, I feel either they owe me something or I owe them something, for the hurt they or myself caused. Is this true for everyone? My first serious relationship, I hurt her a lot and I think I felt I always had to owe her something for what I did. And maybe I still do feel like that. Then my first relationship with a guy, who I knew I loved, he hurt me, and ever since I feel he owes me. Maybe it is that feeling of, you need to give me that part of my heart back. I think about those I have hurt and I search out inside of me, what can I do to make amends. Is that the Christian in me? The way I was brought up? I am thinking I need to accept people hurt people, and vice versa. And evil intentions were never at work, and people mend. I feel I mend, but sometimes reintroduce that feeling of, I need to fill in that pain I caused. But I cant do that, it is not how it works. I dont wanna be one of those bitter angry gay men in their 40s who snap at people behind him at a concert who are "talking too loud".

And I find I am in a pattern. Arent we told we get into patterns? And that creates no expectations... Once again I face a situation I have been in before. The point here is not to spell out the specifics, but it makes us analyse ourselves, hey, at least I am consistent! Living for the moment is magical, but when the realism side of me kicks in, it kicks that magic in the gut.

I looked across the tram carriage tonight, 95% people stared at their phones. I shook my head at how we are such a head down, immersed in our own worlds with technology. Then glanced down, I had a blackberry and an iPhone in my hand. Hypocrite. Blackberry is for work, iPhone is totally for my social life. Phew, glad we got that cleared up.

That photo frame still sits there, nothing in it yet. There are plenty of photos I could pull out in my boxes in the other room, but I just have no desire.

When Patrick is on the phone he doodles a lot, and mainly sketches eye glasses. Bad ones.

I bought more bubblegum balls for my bubblegum ball machine. My Pop gave it to me when I was 10. You have to put money in, but only small coins, bigger coins do not fit. Though if ants wanted to get inside without paying, they could.

Hipstamatic

2011-06-06T14:17:00.003+10:00

I have a dislike for hipstamatic photos. Those photos that people place on facebook and twitter, that have a filter on them and usually of something pointless or non exciting, with or without the filter. I wanted to vent this, and then I can move on. Until I see another feed on my facebook wall of a random sign or quirky lunch that has a blue filter on it. Deep.

Marissa and I drove up to a place called Kallista today. It was beautiful. Good company, good music playing, and beautiful views. Though the auxiliary cord in Marissa's car has to be jammed into the glove box so the music plays through both speakers. It makes it more novel. We made a few wrong turns but that just meant we got there faster, as google maps I think deliberately chooses the slower route, to act superior. That or it was a massive fluke.

We entered the cute little tea house with trees surrounding it. We ordered bowls of hot drink and sat there and talked. Marissa sketched and we talked about writing. And arts and magazines. Oh I have to stop there cause this is sounding like some sort of... organic and peace loving world. It was but dont worry we went back to Melbourne after and found some maccas cup in the gutter and a grumpy man impatient at the traffic lights.

I have been quite cultured this last week. I went to a musical called "Next to Normal" and apart from the bad American accents, it wasnt half bad. So maybe a bit more than half cause of the bad American accents. I also went to see the opening of the Melbourne International Jazz Festival. I dont know why I was there, as I hate Jazz. But it was with my friend Damian and his friend Emma who has become my friend along with another lovely lady Kirsten, so wanted to come.

I asked Emma in a whisper, "Do you like Jazz?" "Yes, do you?"
"No."
"What are you doing here?"
"I dont know"

Though it was actually quite good. Some guy ruined "Moon River" for me though. Eddie Perfect I think his name was. Shudder. It reminds me of falling asleep to Breakfast at Tiffany's on my first night in Singapore with Neal and my Bro and his wife. Makes me feel safe and chilled..

Still

2011-05-28T21:30:00.002+10:00

A wise man told me recently that the loop I feel I am in... Can be a good thing. A time in your life where you can watch and learn.

And it is true, I am finding I can focus on watching and observing people, experiences and simply sitting still.

I bought a world map, and stuck it to my wall above my half built IKEA table. It is half built as only half the table was for sale. The other half wasn't. I am waiting for it to be, and so in the mean time I have a table with no top. Some may think this is dumb but I think it is edgy. Without the edges. The map was sitting happily until I was in my room and heard it lightly fall off. I didnt think much of it til I remembered that right below it were three candles. I jumped out of bed and raced into the living room. My ears are special and thank goodness they are. Elephant like, just not in size but the amount of noise that would be picked up by that spacial area of an elephant ear. Raced in and yep, my map was on fire. Blowing and blowing and it was out. Close call, as the table with no table top would have caught fire, stainless steel is dangerous. I placed it back on the wall, my map just became more artistic, now with all of Brazil burnt out, that's fine though, I just won't invite any brazilians over.
I do wonder though if the flame only burning Brazil means that Brazil is hot? Scorching even.

Waiting for a tram currently. Though the others who were waiting for it all walked off, damnit I wanna know what they know.

We had an event at the museum the other night. So bloody fun... My friend Marissa livened up everyone and even a random man jumped in a photo I took. Thanks random man.

I called mum earlier. She was distracted and giving directions to Glenda. Though told me off the cuff my Pop is in hospital and had a turn for the worse. Then she hung up.. Thanks Mum!

Tram arrived. Those losers missed the tram.

Loop

2011-05-25T13:54:00.003+10:00

So I am sure you all find, that the loop occurs in your life. Sometimes it is often, sometimes it doesnt pop up as much. For some, it never happens but they are lying to themselves. The loop, when you find yourself doing the same thing over and over. Whether it is laziness, staleness or just nothing you can actually change to stop it. For me right now, it is laziness.

Even now, while I write this, my mouse pointer hovers over a tab to read another webpage, anything but face my own structure of thinking, to actually push my cogs in my head to come up with constructive sentences. But then, it isnt that dramatic. I am not struggling in some depressive state, I am having a lot of fun. But I am hard on myself, especially when I move cities and I expect a certain something, and I fall into the lazy routine. When is my photography course? Oh I cant afford it. Really? Yes. Nah I think I can, I just have had the same fear as a kid, where I would be going into a room with strangers and not having any safety net. Noone I knew to talk to but just feel the initial uncomfortable feeling of being alone there. When really, they would all be on the same page, keen to learn like I am. Get some balls Lloyd. No, not that kind. Hey at least I have seen every episode of Dr Who from the new season. That will challenge my life...

I was walking through my exhibition the other day, and I saw a little girl, about three years old. She was kneeling down looking at the golden coffin of Tut's Great Grandmother and had her mother standing next to her(I am assuming, she could have been her cousin, surrogate mother or preschool teacher). I overheard her say with a deadpan face, "If my Daddy was in there, he would be dead and I would never see him again." I kept walking but that sentence stuck with me, whether she is just grasping the concept of death, or she really dislikes her Dad today.

What has happened since my birthday? I have attempted running a few times again, went to the grocery shop four times, paid for a tram trip 5 times, learnt to cook Chinese food, saw 'Love Never Dies' (the kid in that really needs to go back to school), read a few chapters of London: The Novel, planned a trip to Sydney, check my letterbox twice a day for my birthday present from my family, feed poison to the snails in the letterbox, bought a bar table and danced to Beirut 4.5 times. In my bedroom and slightly in my kitchen. Here is one of their tracks 'Scenic World', I will let you watch it twice:

I walked up the Shrine of Rememberence the other day when a mate of mine Dave came to visit from Sydney. Loved the view. I hated the blood my shin produced walking up there.

Mothers

2011-05-08T12:52:00.002+10:00

Mother's day and I am on the fence if I think it is a crap commercial venture or actually a day set aside to really appreciate mothers. Like we have Remembrance day for those who have sacrificed their lives and died fighting for freedom, so why not have one to remember mothers who have sacrificed nothing and lived their lives happily looking after us? My mum is somewhere in Australia in a caravan with her partner, and she called me for my birthday yesterday, so we have chatted I reckon. Though I do miss making crap mother's day cards... Cause they were works of art and placed on the fridge or the "good" cabinet in the living room amongst the Chilean pottery houses.

6 years today, since my Dad found out that my Mum was having an affair with another woman. It was on Mother's day, the morning after my 21st. I now say that with no way near as much hurt inside. Everyone is on such a happier page and grown for the better. Living lives that reflect what they need.

OK I feel cheesy when I go too deep on here.

My birthday was great. Nice and simple with some friends for dinner and drinks. I find the older you get, the less expectation you have.

The following day I went for lunch with a friend, but a few hours beforehand I realised the only jeans that were NOT wet in the washing machine were the ones I wore for my birthday. Though these stank of cigarettes cause of the club I was in and I had to hang outside with my smoker mates. Anyways I decided I would try that trick of placing my jeans in the freezer, as this is mean to remove the smell from them. You may not have heard of this but people in jeans shops have told me numerous times that its better to place them in freezer and NOT wash them. I placed them in the freezer for two hours, just a note though, dont put them straight on after the freezer. Tad cold. They still stank of smoke and now slightly of frozen food goods. I began strolling down the street, slightly uncomfortable as the backs of my jeans kept touching my leg, and the cool jeans just did not suit Melbourne Autumn. As I got closer to the lunch venue, I placed my hand inside my pocket, there were about 10 frozen peas in my pocket, half defrosted and stuck to my reading glasses.. Yeah, damn Jeans people I am never listening to you again.

I want to place a picture up. It is one given to me by a friend, it really made me laugh and was given to me for my birthday. Presenting... the people he believes he was inviting to my birthday. Including him of course!

Festival

2011-05-03T11:24:00.005+10:00

It is about 4 days til my birthday and you know, why not make it festival. Do everything I usually do but just know it is my birthday. Festivalised.

So to quickly catchup, had my sister and bro in law come down, was really enjoyable having them come and stay and show them a bit of Melbourne. Lou didnt like the random sculpture in the alleyway of the man who had hung himself. Come on Lou, it is art.

We had some nice strolls and visited my Uncle Phil down south in Elwood, and had a good old family day or two. I attempted to use my camera more, to express the moment but it failed... mainly cause Lou and Dean refused to have an autumn leaf fight for me. Come on, leaves down your back, they feel good after a while. Bonus if you get some flecks of dirt too, the cold and wet kind that sticks to leaves that have been laying there a while.

Dean, Me and Lou.

Easter came and went. As did ANZAC day, as did Kate and Williams wedding.

Went to a nature park with Nick, Matt and Kait. We did silly poses, cause we were the cool kids who had seen all these animals a hundred times. So we can even impersonate them. Talk to them and see how they are doing in 21st Century Australia.

I really just want to take a break, but how can you when you already are. I work three days a week and have four days off to myself. Gym is not happening, why? Cause.. there is some sort of reason. I am craving structure, like a bottle craves the sea. Bobbing up and down, sending a message to some lady.

I turn 27 and I have done the whole facebook invite out to a few friends and NO idea where to go for drinks or dinner. Melbourne has so many options there is the pressure to choose something good. Or should I just choose something fun and cheesy. No, Karaoke can be banned. Along with cook your own steak nights. Cause that is always a failure. Well I am sure I will find something and the night will come and go.

A kid walking through the exhibition said to his friend yesterday, "This King Tut guy is richer than I am, I dont like him now."

I find cheap cornflakes taste just as good as the Kellogs ones. Even if it isnt real corn, but ground up bits of corn husk. Corn Husk is great for the finger nails I hear.

I didnt have any wine in my house, now I have three bottles. But when you live alone, you cant open a bottle unless committing to the whole thing. Oh wait, what am I doing even considering drinking a bottle to myself alone. Back peddle on that one.

So here is to another year. Live life like a movie.

Friday Goodness

2011-04-22T18:13:00.006+10:00

It is Good Friday. We celebrate when Jesus died on the cross for our sins. I find it fascinating that in this secular world (secular is a word used to describe non religious folk, or more specifically, non christians) that there is a still a holiday where pretty much EVERYTHING is closed for the day. And it becomes not a public holiday but more a public curfew... as you may as well stay inside. There are good things to this as you feel no guilt eating chocolate and watching bad movies. I played trivial pursuit with Nick, Matt and Kate, was a lot of fun and I lost. Turns out school gave me a false thought I knew stuff.

I saw my good mate Matt the other week, he was down with his partner. Both are such lovely guys who give such an amazing example of a couple. Sure they would have their challenges but they inspire me, they have been together for years, are now married and just seem just as much in love. I hung out with Matt and had drinks. He is an actor and he met up with a guy he knows who is also an actor, but one of the kind that blow smoke up their own ass. Matt really was not in the mood and was also drained from the whole experience. Have you ever been talking to someone you dont get along with and wish they were gone. Without thinking, Matt closed his eyes and squeezed them tight, and opened them, hoping this guy was gone. He wasnt, so he did it again, but no, still there. So it doesnt work for Matt, but I may try one day. Not like I have anyone I dislike..

Walked past two girls on a park bench on way to work. One was obviously listening in on the other girl's mobile phone conversation, for support naturally. All I heard was the girl on the phone say "You were great when it was great, and that is the part that like, hurts". Makes me wonder how many people are having a similar chat in parks all around earth. Especially with supportive people who are listening in. Like me, I am supportive. Support away.

I have come up with a cookie I like making, and so I have not attempted to make any other cookies now, just this one recipe. I made it up and so feel like I have my own fake grandmother recipe for amazing cookies that I must convert everyone til. But really, they go soggy within two days (not dripping wet soggy, as that is gross but just a bit more than chewy.) So really, not the best cookie but I appreciate the habit and the ingredients. What.. does that even mean?

Possum in park last night insisted it wanted to climb my leg but I did not allow it.

I was asked to wrap a box at work yesterday. I think I lucked out with the understanding how to wrap boxes. My attempt was this. Shit.

Lost my glasses, so have my backup pair. I find it screams that I like my lattes blacker than black. Even though I dont drink coffee.

Happy Easter. Hope the bunny gets you stuff. Even though how on earth a Bunny got linked into eggs I have no idea. Just like lions gel so well with Boxset DVDs and provide lots of happy adults all in one evening, the boxset they have dreamed about. Magic.

Grammar

2011-04-08T08:38:00.005+10:00

It has been brought to my attention that due to laziness and the fact I dont read through my blog entries sometimes before I post, I am pretty shit at grammar. I remember the days back in primary school where I came first in "language" as we called it. Maybe it is cause we also rely way too much on spell check and the green underline on Word that informs us that our sentence does not make sense. So, I shall try and make myself speak in a manner that reflects my intellect, as opposed to sometimes sounding like a less intelligent person.

The launch of the exhibition was last night. Was SO much fun! There were camels, celebrities* and awesome food and drinks. Was a great team bonding exercise too. And I got to wear a black tie getup, first time ever, and I think I like wearing suits more these days. So pumped to work on this exhibition, I am loving my job there. The people especially. See the below photo of Kitty and I, as well as some hired Egyptians**

I am sure you have seen those guys who come up to cars at traffic lights and offer to wash their windows. Well I was walking across the street yesterday and a guy came running out once the cars had stopped, with a yo ho diablo. Remember them? And he began performing for the cars. I dont know what he expected them to do, throw money at him? It was all just a bit awkward cause the people in the cars just ignored him while he spun the diablo thing under his legs and then around his back. I kept walking.

I had two American friends stay with me for the past week and it was great to have them. They loved Melbourne and already beginning to enjoy seeing others discover this city for the first time and tell them places to check out. The only awkward thing was when they had to use bathroom during night which is through my room, and the quiet trickle coming from the bathroom at 4am. Moving on.

I had a friend request on facebook the other day. Actually I get about 5 a day and NO idea who these people are. But my favourite has been an old man from the Southern states of USA, and he sent me a message asking to form a friendship if I was interested. All his photos were of him and guns. Maybe he can help me with the snail problem?

So back to work quickly, the beginning of the exhibition experience involves one of the staff saying a quick speech to a group of guests before they enter. I was doing it as a demo for groups, so the staff could see how to do it. One of the groups had several journalists and I turned the mic on and went "Welcome to Tutank. .. Tutmenahkem.. Tut.. Tutahamen and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs". NO idea what happened there but I screwed up his name, several times and its the bloody name of the exhibition. I laugh.. now.

I used to love when you could get out of Sport at school cause you had a note from parents cause you were sick or had an injury etc. It had SO much power.
"Get changed into your sports shoes!
"Nah, I dont have to"
"Why?:
"I have ... a note!"

Wish you could do that with work now.

"Can you please take all these boxes down to the storeroom?"
"Nah I cant"
"Ah... why? Too heavy?
Nah, Mum wrote me a note".

Now off to make Milo cookies and then the lovely Cyndi Lauper is performing in Melbourne tonight and since her first single came out a few weeks after I was born, we have a connection or some shit.

* Celebrities is a loose term. I saw a newsreader and a travel show host.
** Only dressed up guys from some gym.

Coles Corn Flakes

2011-04-06T09:53:00.002+10:00

Coles Corn Flakes, they are just as nice as Kellogs. I have found this out as I became the grandma to look at the junk mail Coles Catalogue and circle the bargains I would love. I also found out that I can get Nescafe coffee for $3 (its a dollar dazzler!) Oh where has my time gone?

I have been walking to work and it is such a good walk because I pretty much only have parks to walk to between my house and work. So I get to see some interesting sites, and I dont just mean the "hey that flower is pretty wow huh... ". I dont talk like that just so you know. Last night at about 10pm I walked past a dark figure crouching on the ground, as I got closer, not intentionally as dark figures are not the type you wish to approach, but the path went that way. I am a sheep, what can I say. The dark figure turned out to be a middle aged fat man, pouring sloppy bread that was all mashed up, into containers and talking to himself. I then saw about 8 possums all around him, licking his hands and some had their heads in the slop. "Hey Mary, where is Delilah tonight? Sammy, you dont be too greedy!" I kept walking, looked back once and then continued on my way. I thought, hey to this guy, that makes his day. It also answered a question I had last week, when I walked past the same spot and some sort of stick contraption was holding the underside of a makeshift fence (built for an exhibition in the park that week) that left a gap under the fence, and a bowl of white slop. The possum man had made sure his possums could still access their version of corn flakes. Even maybe Coles ones.

I have been here over two months now, starting to feel like home. But I do miss my family, more than I thought. So I buzz them often and they seem a bit surprised I have called as much. Not that I do not want to be here, but just having a stage in life where I do like having them around. Odd huh.

I stood behind an older lady (I dont say old as it is offensive apparently. Because they will keep getting older and older and there is no maximum "old") and she was at the ATM (Cash Machine). I was not paying attention for a while, as you do not really do that while waiting in a queue for the ATM, plus I was skipping through my iPod working out what songs were actually good, and why there was so much shit in a row on random on it. Adam Ant?? I dont even know who he is! So the woman began to take a little while, and so began to observe. After a bit I realised what the problem was. She was staring at the screen at the "Enter your pin" stage. She went to touch the pad to type in a number (dont worry I couldn't see the pac, and was not planning on robbing Doris) and then pulled her hand away again with hesitation. She had forgotten her pin and looked so perplexed. After a while she took the card out and looked around and wondered off and sat on a bench. She looked gutted and confused.

My snails suck. I call them mine now, as they pretty much live in my letterbox permanently and so living in my space and technically pets, but can you have unwanted pets? Yeah, cause I had a Dalmatian Todd who I really pushed the unwanted vibe at. My Credit Card and Electricity bill are half eaten, so really, did I even get the bill? Excuse like the dog ate my homework, but this time, snails ate my bill so dont have to pay? Sort of yeah.

A mate of mine and me were walking along a street near his house and we walked past an OLDER couple (still being politically correct, but also, the lady wasnt old old) they stopped us and asked my friend if he had lost a USB stick. Yes, he had. The lady was looking elsewhere a lot, and said "we didnt look at what was on it, we didnt. But found a file with your name and address so we could work out who owned it and return it." She looked sus. My friend said thanks very much and they said they would put it in his letterbox (snails better not bloody know how to eat USB sticks. The dickheads) We kept walking and I thought about why that lady made no eye contact. We concluded he must have porn on the USB stick. Oh Cherie just thought she was looking for a document with an address and found much much more.

Hm what photo do I put up with this blog entry.. I have a random shot of a toy lemur and a guy on a ladder installing part of the exhibition. Oh wait, a possum from the park.

Taste buds

2011-03-23T17:02:00.004+11:00

I was having drinks with an amazing friend of mine Marissa and talking about all this stuff and she went to the bathroom and so I thought, hey I am going to be a bit structured and type into my notes on my iPhone, what interesting points we have discussed, so I can write them down here. I looked at them later and they made no sense. Shit.

This is what is written on my iPhone to discuss:

- Awkward hugs
- Marissa Kiss Story
- Kid Backpack
- Love Differently

I am struggling to remember any of what these points are. Though we WERE talking about how when you go to hug someone and they pull out of the hug as you are still going in. Especially found this when I was getting to know my step mother. Struggle street when that happens. Makes you less and less confident to hug every time and it just gets worse.

Oh and the Marissa Kiss story... My friend Marissa was at her friend's wedding and something about an awkward kiss that was hilarious when she told me, but believe if I explain it, it would just sound like I was explaining how funny the grocery store was when a man in a red beanie walked past. Right?

I will try remember the other two points, including why on earth I titled this post as "taste buds" and try get back to you on that.

I had such a nice night last night. I was randomly invited to a new friend of mine's house. He is quite well known here in Australia and it is an amazing house. The people were awesome and really interesting, and I got along well with one of the guys, I reckon he will be a great new mate. Melbourne really is making me really happy.

The job is panning out well, have been there a week and really amazing. I get to help coordinate such an intriguing exhibit and feel honoured to be a part of it. Kind of like how a turkey is honoured to be a part of the royal christmas dinner as a special guest.

Had some training at the MCG the other day, that stadium is pretty bloody beautiful.

And a song of one of my favourite songs of all time, covered by one of my favourite artists of all time.

King Tut

2011-03-22T14:30:00.003+11:00

I find when so much happens in a small amount of time and I have not written anything, I get a little anxious as I will try and do what I always do and summarise it all way too much and its like a back page summary of how my kettle works. Without the info on where I was made.

So, I wanted to dedicate this to Lucy, as she is a wonderful human being who I have known my whole life and I still know so well and we have gone on such similar and also opposite paths. She visited me for the weekend just gone, and it was tops. Amongst having childhood icecreams from the Milkbar, to patting a cat through a stranger's flat window, singing out old Christian hymns in the park at night (and noticing hymns were NEVER designed for congregations of common people, our vocal chords exemplified this) and sitting under a full moon in a rooftop bar in Melbourne sipping cider (what else??). It was all just simply fun and to be around someone who has known me so long, there is that load of feeling like you do not have to keep giving out info to let the person know you more. We could just laugh and comment on small things, and the other would get it. I find it less and less it is hard to have those people in your life on a day to day basis and so when one of them comes for a while, it is just nice. Familiarity hey!

A cat just ran past my front door, sideways. With a bell on and then I heard a crash.

So back to my story. I GOT A JOB.

I am now the Operations Coordinator at an Egyptian Exhibition in a Museum here. I am so stoked. I love Egyptian history (seems a lot of people do!) and I now get to work and manage the operations of bringing this to Australia for the first and last time. Day One was today and it was quite the day, as most first days are. I was sent home after with a book on Egypt. I am officially loving it. Down my alley and a little bit further I reckon.

Post

2011-03-17T12:54:00.003+11:00

I did something kind of old school and ordered a CD online, it arrived today. Yes, old school. The last CD I bought was probably in 2005. So it came in the mail today, and to my relief the snails that have decided to put a vendetta out against my mail, had not eaten it. The dickheads keep eating my mail, and I take all the snails out of the letterbox and throw them into the bush, but then the next day they are back. I even try and surprise them by opening the mailbox suddenly, it does not work. Dickheads.

BACK to the CD. It was the OST of "Mary and Max", a brilliant film released a few years ago, and produced by a friend, it is claymation and set in Australia and New York, about the unusual and quirky penfriend relationship between a young girl with no friends and a middle aged man with aspergers syndrome. Now that sounds a bit weird, but its totally above board and such a beautiful film. The soundtrack has a main theme, originally written by the Penguin Cafe Orchestra, which speaks volumes for beauty to me. See the below clip to hear it.

And here is the trailer to the film, and wow, it has the music from above IN the trailer. Unreal hey.

It is St Pat's Day, and am I the only who thinks that since I am not Irish, it is not a day for me to celebrate. It is like all the Mongolian people getting pissed on Australia Day. Or maybe I am cynical or just got my shoes on the wrong hand today.

Some good new leads for work, and it really cheered me up.

Has anyone ever owned a panda suit, I am curious.

Flooded

2011-03-13T13:18:00.003+11:00

When I say flooded, I am being a tad dramatic. I mean, I walked into my bedroom and half the bedroom carpet was a different colour. This was not because I was bored and painted it, but because it was water logged. Shit. The washing machine had decided to overflow again, at least it is functional at something right? I spent the next 2 hours soaking up the bathroom floor water with a towel and squeezing it into the bathroom tub. The water was brown. Then I soaked up the water in the carpet into a tub, but the water was yellow, I just refused to question why it was yellow. Still do, la la la.

I had my first dinner guests this week. Wednesday was Dan, and I cooked Chicken and Leek Risotto. Well it was meant to be pumpkin risotto but due to a fussy house guest I changed it last minute. No dig there.
Then on Sunday evening I had the guys I stayed with for the first few weeks in Melbourne over, and cooked corn bread, fresh guacamole and chicken chilli con carne. Was all yum! I was impressed. But this shant turn into a food blog, I aint Amy Adams.

So have had one full week in my apartment alone, and its pretty surreal. Love the feeling of doing everything for myself, but try not let the worry of having no job fill that enjoyment. I am beginning to consider bar work again, just to keep me sane and to meet new people.

Seeing the Tsunami/Earthquake on TV in Japan, once again we just do not comprehend. The thing is, we have seen all this before with Asia, Haiti, NZ etc, and we just see it and cannot imagine the experience or the great loss of life. Common experience between them and us is the only thing we have to relate. So we try and look for those common things on the TV. I dont know really, it is a grasp of understanding. Why these things happen or why these people.. always seeing it so far away we compute it will not happen to us. Dangerous to think like that.

Miss my old flatmates though... found this photo on my phone and forgot to upload it, from Christmas Eve last year at the beach. So much has changed already, but love that I have them in my life.

My first pad.

2011-03-10T09:24:00.003+11:00

And when I say pad, I must highlight it is not the technology in your hand, or something you write on, or that other kind, but the kind that you live in, play in, dance in, sometimes cook in. You know?

I moved in on Monday and it was quite the trip down from Sydney. I actually really enjoyed it, Dad was with me and we chatted a lot, really did bond and get to know each other more. Which I always think is odd but makes sense, since he has been there since my birth yet you still get to know someone, even your father. He has been so amazing and generous and supportive and I am thankful to have him.

Mardi Gras was very interesting, as I was volunteering. I walked up and down the lanes between the floats while they waited to march, and observed a hell of a lot. But it was simply great to see, for one night, so much love and smiles in the crowd and audience and marchers. And to be a part of helping it. I returned home after a fun evening and read a friend's facebook and how he wrote out against the Mardi Gras and Sydney for being so immoral for supporting it. It got me upset, as it is so backwards and hurtful, especially as it goes against the Christian message that I grew up in. Another friend of mine wrote this in response and CCd me:

Hi Luke,

I saw your note on Mardi Gra. I believe you did that to inform those who do not know that what they might be doing is not okay in the eyes of God. It was brave for you to do this as I suspect you anticipated a negative response from at least some of your friends.

Having thought what you wrote; the entire scenario reminds me of 'Jesus and the woman taken in adultery'. A group of righteous people got together to condemn a person who they believed to be leading an immoral lifestyle. Jesus famously tells the righteous that the person without sin can cast the first stone.

My point is, the next time someone tries to tell Lucy Bates that Christians are loving, accepting people; do you think she will be more or less likely to listen as a result of your post?

I have only seen the public responses on Facebook. Based on these, nothing constructive has come of your post. Like-minded believers have patted you on the back while non-Christians are clearly agitated.

Have you received any feedback to indicate you have brought someone closer to God or even challenged someone to review their beliefs? I suspect not, but please tell me if I am wrong.

What were you hoping to achieve from the note you wrote? Why did you decide to post it?

If God has put this message on your heart, then I encourage you to meet people and form relationships and share what you believe God wants for their life.

I have included Lloyd because a) I know him, b) I think he would like to be included on this discussion and c) he is probably the most 'enlightened' of either side of this argument.

Apart from that I hope both of you are well and enjoying life in whatever you are doing these days.

Regards,

Rick.

To which I replied:

"Hey Rick

Interesting read and I totally see where you are coming from.

Lucy said what she did, because she herself grew up in the same church we did, but has gone on her own journey and is always so angry and hurt by the church and conservative words telling people what they can and cannot do, because of how damaged it made her. Hence why her reaction.

I believe Luke has a beautiful heart and Luke, you have come far in the past few years, especially in the way you have respected me and my own path. I know, especially as you live in Paddington, would have seen a lot more of the night as those in Engadine, and I do agree that there is quite a lot of sexual images pushed out there. And it is debatable if that is relevant or not to the original purpose of the parade. To gain the right like anyone else, to love and be free in a country such as ours.

I do agree Rick, that the Church has to stop with this putting fingers in their ears and shouting out condemnation. Did Jesus ever do this? No. AND the church is not Jesus, far from it. A human organisation, interpreting the scriptures, not just based on what they feel God is leading them to, but built up from a cultural background in 21st Century Australia, and the Western World. Where society views heavily influence what is OK and what is not, and interpretations of 2000 year old words can be looked at as a minority group in a society that does not understand things such as homosexuality. And they feel they are a majority because of it.

The same God made homosexuals, the same God has a path for everyone, including them. He loves them and sees them for who they are. I am so so tired and exhausted of having this sort of discussion because noone will ever know the true answer. But love is above everything, why point at each other and play the I am right, you are wrong game. People do not just DO things for the fun of it, or CHOOSE their path. It is there, and they have no choice when it comes to things like this. IF anything, the choice to not be themselves is forced on them and that is the unnatural thing, and this is where pain, hurt, self hate and depression come in. I have known those to commit suicide because of it. And one main reason, the church tells these people God "loves them but not the sin" ie, does anyone actually realise what that sounds like. That every process in their body is a sin, that everytime they have that desire in them, and for a guy, a lot of the time, is dirty and disgusting. And they never chose that desire. Which is actually a chemical in the brain, yet the Church tells them it is wrong, so one climbs to a roof, looks at the ground below and feels the wind on his face and knows that in a short space of time, this pain will go away, even though he is scared of the possible consequences and on top of the fact, he wont be alive anymore. OR the girl who looks on as the train comes closer, the cold steel of the train tracks, her last cold touch, like those at church, before she no longer has to feel alone, to just feel silence.

That sounds mighty depressing yes, but 1000's die, and its this ignorance and constant attitude that is causing this. And I know personally what it is like, to be at the crossroad, do I continue to lie and love a God who hates me, or do I be honest and accept I have to give up that faith I had. Cause I was told I had no other option. And it would have been so easy to end it all, but I believe I stayed so I can keep being an example that it IS ok. And everytime a Christian pulls a rope in the opposite direction, it simply breaks my heart. Cause each rope could be around a lost and broken person, and the death of them."

It may be a different blog to normal, but it is close to home for me, and I really needed to get it off my chest since it has been a while. It breaks my heart everytime they push it back to a place where we were 20 years ago. Or even 40.

As I sit here in my new place, still no job but got a gut feeling something good is happening soon. Gee I sound like a puffin with a high sense of how much my colourful beak rocks. Intelligent puffin I am.

That cafe (its like cake but not)

2011-03-04T11:14:00.003+11:00

I have been told I need to wink when I am joking, as my sarcasm/humour (are those two words intertwined?) is sometimes undetectable. So when I say I love chocolate milkshake baths, I must wink. Or if I love the feeling of my hand being slammed in a vice. Wink. Is this a social problem needing to be fixed. Nah, its acceptable.

Have you ever noticed that the sound of a washing machine can be so loud yet you become so used to it, you do not even notice the loud beeping it does at the end to inform you it is finished. Nah neither have I. I usually just discover it the next day and realise I never got it out of the washer and not it smells of wet washing that has been sitting in the tub for a day, and its an Australian summer. Yeah, my favourite smell, yours too?

New faces. New places.

2011-02-28T10:27:00.002+11:00

When you are in a time of change, the amount of new people you meet is overwhelming. You sometimes have no clue who is gonna stay an acquaintance and who is going to be a good friend. Cause I have tried to guess that before and it simply does not work. But then you also can tell. So I just totally made a contradicting statement!!

When you are also going through lots of change and moving cities etc and also have lots of time on your hands with no job, you assume you would be able to write a lot more. No. Not me. I just put it off. Maybe it is because it reminds myself that hey, not much has changed! But then again, it has.

Went to Sydney on the weekend, simply because I was meant to do some work up there but it fell through but my mate who I was going to work for, had already bought the non refundable ticket. So I spent 3 days wandering around the city and meeting up with friends. If I was honest, it wasnt very helpful in regards to moving forward. It just showed me the city I left. But I did see good friends and had some great conversations. I saw Tigh and discussed more about what happened in our situation, and saw one of my best buds Chem, who I lived with, and we laughed a lot. We also placed "Lets Get Married" on the jukebox, not even staying for it to play, but chuckling at what the scenario in the bar would be like when that song came on. Oh early 2000's your music really did suck a lot. They wont be saying that when I am old though.. or.. yeah they will be.

I bought a mattress today. Brand new one. I have not had a brand new mattress EVER. And the place I went had a special personal analysis machine, where you lay on this special bed and the computer measured your body weight etc and worked out what beds suited me. The nice sales assistant Sean helped me, and we chose a cheap and comfy mattress, he did not even judge me cause it was not expensive. There were mattresses for $4000, when some people sleep in a box. Just cannot justify that, I just made sure mine did not squeak.

The big move day is in 6 days. I cannot wait to write about that one, which will involve an early morning rise and 10 hours in a car with Dad. And I am actually not even being sarcastic.

I volunteered for Mardi Gras this year, helping with the Start area for the parade. The orientation was held on Sunday and wow, was interesting. Some lesbians with authority can be scary, cause they have an angry chip on their shoulder and assume you are gonna screw up and ruin the day. Share the love. Will see how we go on the day, next weekend.

Just for a mental note, ducks are not people. They are birds. Some people like to treat them as such.

Found a home..

2011-02-20T17:40:00.008+11:00

Yes, a home for me is now on the cards for sure. Signed the lease on Friday. My first flat by myself. Will be good, I can do puzzles all night and noone else will care. Except me. I hate puzzles.

I move in 2 weeks, so 2 more weeks of couch sleeping, which will fly by!

There is this rocking Old school Milk Bar not too far from my new home, that I am totally going to go to often. Or will I? Have you ever started exploring a new area where you will live and you plan to do this and this, but then never do. It all seems like it will be all Soap Opera style, where you meet your friends at the cafe and chat and stuff. Nah. You will walk past it everyday and see Sue behind the counter and she will be making a milkshake for a school girl and her clingy boyfriend. And thats it. But yesterday some friends and I sat at the Milkbar in a moment and had a Calippo in celebration.

Yesterday we were walking along and came across this Tram driver in despair. Wonder what was wrong....

I have been told a few times now by someone that I struggle to make conversation. Meaning that sometimes when someone is speaking with me, I listen a lot and then do not provide any input into the conversation or provide my opinion. Nor do I instigate any conversation of my own. This made me worry a lot, as I never thought I had any issues with social interactions. And so I got quite defensive and arguementative, cause I guess you like to feel you are the qualified one. When really, why do I feel I would be the king of social interaction and behaviour? I may have just gotten lazy. I feel when I am comfortable in someone's company, I feel no pressure to always be talking. So it really took me off guard, and since this person is someone I really am quite interested in, I didnt know what to say. And that just made it more awkward. So we changed topic. Has challenged me a lot, appreciate being pushed. Do not want to be the bore but also the one to challenge them also.

PS. Melbourne looks nice too.

Kettle Balls

2011-02-16T10:11:00.003+11:00

I was on a website and there was an ad for a kettle ball. I clicked on it, mainly cause it said "Aussie Kettle Ball!" Which made me wonder what the difference was. It seems there is none. And also just reminds me of old circus performers with black and red striped lycra pants and mostaches lifting them. Within 30 seconds I had typed in kettle ball and discovered they are a gimmick. Who would have thought...

So I went for a job interview yesterday at a massive corporation. Was so weird to walk into this building of 3000 people. There was even a coffee shop and restaurant near the lobby. It would be a great role, just keen to see how I go now and if I hear back. Talking about it too much makes you feel you wont get it. Know what I mean?

How good is Cider. Thats all I am saying. This is my favourite currently.

I learnt how to boil a chicken. You put it in hot water and wait for it to cook.

The Day of the V.

2011-02-14T09:20:00.005+11:00

Valentines day it is. Most bloggers will write about this, so I wont. Its just what I do. Buck the trend.

So I have been in Melbourne exactly 2 weeks now. I have had about 100 chai lattes and I think I have consumed alcohol everyday of the 14 days. Everyday has also been a day of food that is nice. We like that dont we. I have even considered a food blog because so many meals have been worthy of a photo. It also helps that the lovely Nick who I am staying with is a professional Chef. Makes me cower in the corner and NOT offer to cook anything, as it will look like a jar of baby food in comparison. Mooshy and easy, twist the jar and away you go.

Currently I am sitting in my PJs, which I have no idea where they came from as I usually do not own them. But because I am sleeping on a couch in someone's living room, a guy in undies is not the first sight you want to see when you walk into your living room, so magically I have PJ's in my suitcase. So am sitting here in my PJ's and clicking on Seek.com.au. This informs me that there are 209 "EA/PA jobs in Melbourne". Where?? I dont see them?? Legal firms, accountancy firms and financial firms. You may as well say, here there are jobs for suits and a desk and an office cubicle and you get paid reasonably to do stuff and then go home and come back again. That was such a lame attempt at describing establishment. I really wouldn't go so well in the anti-establishment. Boo. So, as you can tell, no job yet :) But I got a good feeling about this week.

I went to a house in St Kilda with a new mate Peter on Friday night, and it was one of those nights where, you didnt know anyone but by the end of the night and a few drinks later, you had danced with all three of their pet dogs in the loungroom and played with the curtains. I am sure you can all relate.

House hunting does kinda suck. I went to wait outside a flat where there was a viewing (not one of those regular days where you stand outside a flat for the sake of it and listen to what music the person will play next, fun game I know..) and 40 people turned up for the viewing. Is that enough to make you just walk away from the place and not see the inside, as it will be just cruel if you love it.

Feels like I have been here for quite a while. But it hasnt. Been.

Melbourne, lets have Chai.

2011-02-03T12:58:00.005+11:00

I landed 4 days ago now. They charged me 140 dollars for additional baggage. When it was my pillow and some towels. Dad saw me off at the airport, he gave me a small note that said he supported me and loved me. In this day and age, it means a lot, especially from fathers from the generation who had fathers who would never say that kind of thing. I am lucky in that. The flight attendant did not give me such a note. She did offer me a cookie, it had apricots in it.

I lugged these costly bags onto the sky bus and then a cab from the CBD to my very generous and awesome friends Matt and Nick's house. I sat a bit spunout and surreal for a bit and then woke up enough (yeah not even jetlagged, cant have that excuse) to head to the city. Met Dan outside Flinders St Station, and had dinner in a pub, discovered midis are now called pots and scooners are now back to Pints. Brilliant. Had a great first evening.

The following days have been a combo of job hunting, flat browsing and seeing friends and exploring. I also bought a new pack of gum and some maggi noodles from a dodgey convenience store which turned out to be really inconvenient.

It begins to hit home slightly that I have a new life, and wont be seeing people as often as I used to, in Sydney, but hey, life is life. And, thinking of those who are experiencing the horror of Cyclone Yasi, cannot even imagine.

I had a fantastic set of leaving drinks with a great bunch of friends, a few photos were taken. And I say.. "a few".

Final days..

2011-01-29T11:14:00.002+11:00

So am sitting on my mattress on the floor and there is a cockroach that seemed to have been homing in the truss of my bed frame. He seems a bit agitated. Move on mate.

Oh wow, now it is a day later and I am sitting on dining room chair in my half empty dining room in my boxers and a bottle of wild berry cider. Went and saw Brooke Fraser tonight, she is an artist I first discovered back in 2004, with a christian background and subtle/not so subtle message of God. Fond memories of her music, along with having a mate who also likes her, meant we went along to see her tonight. She has an amazing presence and so talented. She also takes people for who they are and performed in a Newcastle Gay Bar to 40 people before a Drag performance, as she knew that is where some of her fans were. See this song, it is my favourite of hers:

I had my nephew's 1st birthday today. I went crazy with my new camera, I simply love just capturing the moments and story of an event or emotion in general. Both Mum and Dad came too, the beginning of family events where both come. It was good but naturally will only get better I hope. Jersey is such a cute little kid, cant wait to keep seeing how he keeps growing and who he becomes. A simple and amazing gift to watch this occur. And relfect on your own growth from being a kid. When making mud pies under the slippery dip WAS the event of the day.

I said bye to the family today, as I make the big move in 2 days.

Number 3 City.

2011-01-23T23:16:00.008+11:00

I have realised that, this will be the second time I have gone on a city change, the first time was when my blog began, almost 6 years ago. That is like 1/7th of an elephant's life. And it is also 1/6th of a 6 year old's life as well.

Though when I began, it was all very travel journal like and the word gay didnt really come into it. Or the word triceratops but that only comes into play when you are speaking about dinosaurs, on late night TV.

So back to the blog.. my move is beginning to take shape as Melbourne gets closer. I began the hunt with my CV, with changes and changes. I find you send it to a friend, they give their feedback and then you like it even more. Then you send it to another friend, they criticise another aspect OR say the opposite of the last friend. So really, don't show it to too many, maybe just a few key people who know their stuff. Which I did this time around and am really happy with the result. When you think about it, two pages represent who you are, as a person and what you rock at. I apparently rock at ping pong ball hunting and filing. It was fun comparing my CV from 2005 to 2011. Its like reading your weekend summary in your creative writing book from grade 3, compared to your history essay in grade 11 on Trench Warfare.

Do I even finish the point of some stories on here? Sometimes no, as I dont even read through my entry, I just click "publish post".

Idealist and realist. Keeps people guessing supposedly. Its what I am. Have a perfect concept in my head, like.. lindt chocolate bunnies, the ones with the gold bell on them. But at same time, be happy with a Cadbury white chocolate bunny. OK, what was that analogy. And why isnt my question mark working. No really, idealist being I hope for the best and in good times it can be great. So Melbourne is going to be amazing and a perfect opportunity for me. Then realism will kick in and any opportunity will be great, not just the perfect ones. Did that make sense?

Mum told me she is selling her car and going with her gf around Australia in a van. The middle age person dream. When do you catch this dream? I dont really have a desire to do it JUST yet. The company would have to be good and... ok I am gonna stop there. I saw Black Swan tonight and I swear it is a mental mind blow and you feel you are insane yourself when you exit the cinema.

I had a fantastic weekend also, hung out with Dan, a Melbourne Welshman. He makes me laugh and he sucks at applying suncream, and swimming in the ocean. Other than that he is quality. Had a few adventures, like traveling to Cockatoo island and exploring an aspect of Sydney I never knew existed. Glad I can still do this, just as I leave this place. And get to know Melbourne. A few adventures I am yet to have I reckon.

Sydney was voted worst city by its own citizens. The Melbourne paper reported this today.

Me me me. I i i.

Farewell the aussie in the Bum

2011-01-17T22:51:00.004+11:00

So today I resigned from work.

It was time, and it feels great. Enough was enough and my gut told me, to get out and jump into another adventure. What job do I go to next do you ask? I say, I got no idea. And am I silly for that? Depends on your attitude I guess. Is happiness based on what you do or what you feel? Or both? I have accepted it isnt about finding THAT career or what YOU do. Just making sure I enjoy it. So many people are given horrible circumstances and have so much more right to vent and say, life sucks. I am not one of those people and so thankful I am given the opportunities I am. Speak to the people I speak to and just watch what goes on around me.

I just had to chase a massive spider up the stairs, as my flatmate was hysterically screaming, demanding I kill it. I dont kill things. I do not feel that cause I am bigger etc, I should just take another life away. So I was upstairs pretending to stamp on the spider and spray it and destroy the existence of it. Then I placed a bit of twig (NO idea what a twig was doing in my other flatmate's room) and put it in a bottle. Then walk downstairs with flatmate screaming and I put it in the back yard. She then said that it has to be taken even further away. She said she was goin to drive to her parents, 40 mins away, to sleep, if it wasnt gone totally. So I found myself casually strolling up the street with a twig in a bottle. I released the twig, said goodbye and came back down. She let me in once she saw no evidence of the "spider". So Mr Spider upstairs, thank me. AND do not enter Karina's room.

The next step? I move to Melbourne. The gut says go, so I shall.

Heard this the other day, I feel this posting is very poppy and cheesy and inspirational, but hey, we all get em ;) This song just sums up how I feel right now. Hear hear.

2011: Its Gonna Chaaaange....

2011-01-09T11:30:00.004+11:00

So it is a week and one day, into 2011.

Do you ever feel like on NYE the world is going to end? Nah... neither do I.

What have I achieved so far. The stronger desire to keep working on where I want to go. Whatever that is. One lesson that sounds cliche but is so true... go with your gut. If you gut feels sick everyday and you feel anxious, that is a definite sign things need to change. It may go away, but its just buried and will keep coming up until you make that change. Thats my tip for 2011 people. One I should really take on board myself.

I went to Melbourne a few days ago on a whim. Went by myself as usual and just strolled. I bought my first Canon SLR, it was a 60D (if that means anything to people) and I had a lot of fun playing with it. Me and my flatmates played Putt Putt Golf yesterday and even a simple game of that, the photos came up amazing. I was stoked. The HR lady at work suggested I focus on hobbies I like, cause a lot of the time, a career can grow out of it. So why not?? I am gonna book myself into a photography course and get into it.

Another resolution, I need to switch off all gay dating sites. It really is a struggle as it is so consuming. A bit lame that you need to get self assurance from.. well.. not yourself.. but from randoms online. When really, most of the time, there will not be anything natural and develop from an online experience. I have experienced it and it has been great, but just so so rare. But its easy to delete your profiles, harder to keep them offline.... Will keep trying here.

And an event just occured with a person that just told me once again, go. with. my gut.

OK, done.

Fa la la la la... New new year.

2010-12-29T17:27:00.002+11:00

I find when I am feeling quite lost, I struggle to write here. If I got no clue then why express that.. but maybe there is some point to doing so.
I find I am doing anything BUT work out where I am headed. Jump online, browse, look at gay dating websites (cause that is where quality lives), I even bought a PS3 so I can play computer games again. What?

New Years Resolution. Buy a camera, a good camera, and enroll in a community college course on how to use it. Then USE it. Make this a hobby. Give myself more meaning, as I love taking photos. You ever thought, so many people take good photos so why should I follow this as a passion? Yeah kinda dumb, but its how I think. So I am going to do it anyways. And also not see others as a threat but a support in those who love photography, and learn off them.

Christmas has gone and past. New Years Eve is next. Christmas was good this year, laid back brunch with everyone and watching the next generation for the first time open presents. It is actually really fun buying presents for them and then watching them open them! And the slight competition from my siblings to see who bought the best present for the kids. I didnt win this year, the doctor set was the winner hands down. Poppy immediately knew what to do and began giving everyone injections.

My Dad retired this month. Went to his retirement party, and it was really inspiring to see the other side of my Dad, who was a boss and mentor to people and to see where he took a company for 30 years. Proud of him and what I can also achieve if I work to it.

So its now down to me and what on earth I want to do with my career. It is great at my work and so many opportunities.. I get anxious as there is so many different places I could go and part of the problem is that. My creative side is always stunted and shunned, and my side that likes to be in control does not allow anything.

My words suck today. Will try again soon.

Cold Water

2010-11-19T06:53:00.005+11:00

So I havent posted for quite a while.. and as you can imagine, mainly cause of the lack of energy to adjust to everything here. You feel totally fine and pumped for the first few days and then you just run out of steam. When you start to feel like your holiday was surreal and so far away already and normality just keeps waving at you.

But had my Dad's 60th birthday a few weekends ago. That was just simply quality to see my Dad happy and content, after so much hurt he went through. He is in a place where he has so much love and fullness. Saw him get teary in his speech at the party and that just made my night, when you see your Dad show his emotions and its quite raw.

Saw random relatives at the party too, cousins and uncles and aunties. The hard thing these days is it has been quite a while since we were close, and so its just awkward when we used to know so much about each other. Sometimes its like talking to a stranger. We kind of look at each other and lots of nodding and silences occur. When I used to run around and catch lizards with my cousin Sarah and talk about how we felt about most parts of our life... now our conversation lasted 2 mins then standing there awkwardly. It makes me sad.. part of is it cause my life is so different to them now, being openly gay and non church related. Which is just a reality. But also understand if they simply just do not understand how to relate to me now.

Also had my nieces and nephew all there. Now I have three... its awesome. And its just amusing to look at myself and how fascinated and adoring I am of them. When I thought I never would be like that with kids. Just watching them learn and develop and find the coolest and simplest things just neat. We also went on a weekend away together, just us kids and their kids. Was great to get away. And think.

Another awesome (sarcasm usage of this word) was that facebook has deleted my account. I have to guess that is because I manage the aB facebook and uploaded a pic that was not appropriate. So I have been without it for 2 weeks now... and I am sad mainly cause of 4 years worth of photos and comments.. but at same time, shows how reliant we are on it, and so have decided if I DO get it back then I wont use it much at all. It is simply way too much of a consumer of my life and thoughts.

Blogs arent.

The DC and the Virginia.

2010-11-08T15:11:00.003+11:00

So I am sitting in the LAX airport and my trip has come to an end. Who am I kidding when I say I plan to blog everyday when on holidays? I do that everytime, I believe this is 4th one in three weeks?? Pff I shame myself. ;)

The last leg of my trip was simply brilliant. I got to see one of my best buds Phil who I knew in Sydney and his partner Preston who I felt I have known for ages but never met. I got to witness a really quality relationship and gave me hope for the future. I saw where Phil had moved to and made a home, in Richmond, Virginia. A quaint city with beautiful architecture and rich in history as it was one of the first places USA began. Well THE place. From the site of the first thanksgiving and the first president this and the first president that, and lots of plaques and speeches. Another whole slice of the American life and experience.

I got to drive and spend time with Preston and get to know the fella Phil left his life in Australia for, and it was a highlight of the trip. A quality man, who is switched on and has sort out peace and answers to the christian world that has so easily shut us down sometimes. I respect him and that research he has done. Made me smile and also choke up. So thanks Preston, I know Phil is in good hands.

Pizza, margaritas and a bed on the floor, along with lots of laughs. Us 3 all then went to DC to explore for the weekend. And Washington DC sure is impressive. Grand and almost royal like, I can understand more of why the USA is what it is. The Mall was beautiful and sure did place pride in national's hearts. OK enough of all this talk, I feel like am being subcontracted to write in another blog.

Went dancing, and I must highlight how much they overpour alcohol here. Before you know it, two drinks later you are finding the drag queen attractive. And Drag Queens are bloody scary!!

There is so much I could type and say but really, those memories are for me and wont be too interesting for anyone else. But I would suggest to visit DC, even for a day. You even get to see C3PO in the American History Museum. Woo.

I get on my plane to Sydney in an hour. and I am so thankful for this trip and the adventure that it was. I feel like it was much longer than it was as it had plenty of chapters and I saw so much. But now I look forward to getting back to Summer and the challenges ahead at work and life in general. I have a gut feeling there is a lot to look forward to, no, I KNOW there is a lot.

And dont get into a fight with a Korean woman about overhead luggage when she has a spikey bracelet.

NYC. The city.

2010-11-05T02:01:00.003+11:00

So my flight was cancelled to NYC and ended up staying another day in South Dakota. Kinda odd after you had already mentally prepared for leaving. Saying bye to Tigh twice..

Landed finally and it was simply intense. My hotel was 20 metres from Times Square. And nothing can explain the feeling of being there totally alone in this square full of lights and people everywhere. You feel so so small and overwhelmed. Then you get over it.

I wondered around the city for a few days, and also had a night out with my mate Dan and his friend Kate in some awesome club. Overall NYC was fairly good, I couldnt live there and there is so much to do you would need a lot longer and I would probably go with someone else next time, cause being a loner is good sometimes and not others.

I was walking through a packed crowd on Halloween on 6th Avenue by myself when I didnt see a garden fence, and took myself out and landed in the garden bed and railing. In a big city, at night, in front of crowds of people, heaps of fun to do that. I had bruises for days.

One of my favourite moments on the trip in NYC was discovering St Pauls, the church next to the WTC site. It was so peaceful and full of this amazing energy. It actually upset me a bit, walking around and seeing the memorials and words about 9/11 as this was the church people went to, to grieve, pray, rest. But was peaceful all the same and that memory will stay with me.

Halloween, as mentioned before, is massive. The subway was full of people dressed up, and everyone was in a cheery spirit. Loved witnessing this!! I dressed up in lame makeup and didnt even know what I was but hey, better than nothing right! Was a fun night and another taste of USA.

Now I am in Richmond, VA and its bloody beautiful. Seeing autumn leaves everywhere, bright colours and clean air. I am stoked at the choices I made in my trip as I have gotten to experience such different places. When I write more, I will write. For now I am off to see more.

South Dakota...2

2010-10-24T06:28:00.005+11:00

I began writing this as I just returned from drinks in a bar, in middle of day on Saturday. We went to a street parade this morning, which simply was like a shot out of a movie. Cheerleaders.. marching bands.. fire trucks. Cub Scouts. Political groups cheering.. oh the bliss of seeing it really reflected. One big stereotype! I went to a subway, simply because I felt ill from some kind of drinking and wanted something with at least some guaranteed vegetables. I requested a turkey sub. When it came to the salad section, I requested capsicum.

"Capsicum"
"What?"
"Capsicum", gesturing to the capsicum.
"What?"
"CAPSICUM" pointing to the capsicum.
"Green Peppers?"
"Ah, yeah."

The people are great. So friendly and havent actually come across anyone mean except an air hostess. But she was old.. Though I dont think many people have met an Australian in this area. They just want me to keep talking and ask questions about life for me. Do I have McDonalds and do I shoot Kangaroos (as mentioned previously).

I had a random guy on Saturday put his arm around me in a packed biker bar (yep, biker) and say "Do you feel safe now?" I had nothing to say to that, it was all kind of odd. I managed to shake out of his grip but he grabbed me again and brought me close into this buddies. Awkward. I broke free and we left.

Had a chat with a friend of a friend, slightly tipsy.. walking through Brookings, about the Dont Ask Dont Tell Policy. Little did I realise she was IN the army and also PRO Dont Ask Dont Tell. Wow, what a chat. Then she disappeared, whether she was lost me or if she was uncomfortable with the chat. Probably the first.

Tigh's friend Carla held a dinner party on Sunday night and I had a lot of firsts that night. Pheasant (wrapped in bacon) which Tigh JUST told me as I wrote this that his mom shot last weekend. Awesome. Then I had proper Mac and Cheese, and also and not least, Pumpkin Pie. All were great! Though the others at the table found it kinda amusing.

Some of the time has been spent with Tigh playing Super Mario World 2 and me sitting on his bed slightly watching, sometimes I can play Player 2 but it is more designed for Nerd's gfs who hover the Wii remote over stars to collect them, thats pretty much all player 2 can do while player 1 saves the Princess and stuff. Enough of talk about Nintendo. Though does anyone else hate Princess Peach in Mario Kart??

I fly to NYC tomorrow morning, so will have to say bye to Tigh then. He plans to move to Sydney in January, and who knows? I just enjoyed the moment and hanging out here, he is a special fella and has been for two years in my life, and plan on having him in my life, to whatever extent in the future.

So NYC tomorrow, staying in tourist central, so lets see how that goes. Yellow Cabs and some kind of tall buildings around the place.

South Dakota... 1.

2010-10-23T02:35:00.003+11:00

I landed in Los Angeles, and asked an information desk for some help. I told them I was going to South Dakota, and she then asked me, what state in South Dakota? I looked at her blankly and said, what city? No, what state?

Now I am in Minneapolis on my second layover before final destination for this leg, Brookings, South Dakota. I find it so surreal, seeing this part of the US that just seems so.. out of a movie. You fly over the landscape and EVERYTHING is a see of farms and roads. I am so used to flying over Australia and its just barren. Shows how much more population dispersement they have here. Anyways this is sounding like a grade 10 Geography lesson. Will be great to see Tigh in a few hours, and experience a small University town in the middle of the USA over homecoming weekend.

One of those days where it doesn’t end though. Flew out Thursday 2pm, and its STILL Thursday. The guy in front of me on the long leg from Sydney to LAX, kept dropping his pillow down onto me. Sure it seems fine but after a while, it really can get a tad irrirating. He was in a group of 4 guys and they were all probably 30 something, but I reckon guys don’t really grow up when they are in a group of mates. They didn’t shutup. No wait, I cant whinge, I am on a pretty cool trip.

So begins my attempt to write very often on this trip.

UPDATE after first night in SD.

Then I got into SD. The plane ride there was full of hunters. And not the type that hunt clay pigeons. These guys love bear and pheasant. They asked me if I hunted Kangaroos. I just said we hit them on the road and that hunting is stupid. THEN I discovered they were hunters, not before. Kinda awkward.

Met Tigh at the airport, was awesome to see him again. Before 10 mins had past I had onion rings. And then we went to a pub that had international night on. Tonight was "USA" night. Oh. The. Irony. Had a fun time, though not used to people smoking in the pub. Got banned in Aus 3 years ago now.

Just realised I can get away with wearing running shoes with my jeans today and not get called Jerry Seinfeld. Its... acceptable here. That and socks and sandals for some odd reason. Lets see what my first proper day brings. Photos coming..

That feeling...

2010-10-17T19:40:00.002+11:00

4 days before I go on holiday. And that same gut ache I had before I went to London, is here again.

The pressure is placed on at work.. to get things done before I go, and things with romance just dont always go to plan. Not saying that in a whinge way, just unsure what to expect these days. Though as usual, feel like I should not write about it here, which is ironic.

I looked into my sister's eyes today. There was so much sadness. It almost made me well up with tears. Mum was visiting and as usual, everyone pretended there was this happy medium and families played normal. But I could see she was silently screaming. And it broke my heart.

No matter how many distractions there are, there are still the moments when you cant find another and you have to think about the past, the present and the future. There are so many clever sayings about all three of these states and how we can approach it all with a chirp and a smile. We dont chirp as we are not birds, but you get what I mean. But when you look at the reality of things, you can either choose to drown in the overwhelming feeling of what life is, or you can choose to keep going. Hoping it gets better and that all the spirals around you that make you sometimes spin a little, will get slower and push you forward to something with happiness.

This time next week I am gonna be hanging out with Tigh in Brookings, South Dakota. The week following I will be on a ferry looking at the Statue of Liberty and the week after that, looking at the white stone face of Abraham Lincoln in Washington DC. Then I hit the pavement again. We gotta keep going, anything else is an easy option.

Accidental call

2010-10-06T06:58:00.003+11:00

So I went to call a mate the other day (it seems appropiate to start the sentence with "so", my apologies if this sounds offensive) but when my mate answered, he had a British accent. I was kinda confused but thought he was just being stupid so went along with it. But after a while I thought it sounded oddly like another friend of mine Matt. While he continued to talk, I glanced at my phone. I had called Matt instead. I must have sounded less confused and dazed then and continued to talk. He asked me why I called and I casually said, "Just to see how you were!" He thought that was sweet, and by the time I had hung up the phone, we had coffee plans for a few nights later to catchup. I dont drink coffee but you know, its what you call a casual catchup with a friend. If I said "Chai Latte" plans, it would make me sound like a wanker plus one. But then I just said it. Plus one.

This is a cat, I called him/her Lois. He/she stands outside our front door a lot and is always up for a bit of belly rubbing love.

It is getting quite intense at work of late. Coming up to Christmas peak time.. and the cogs are very much working overtime to get everything ready. It really is the most fun and most flatout experience, but also quite taxing on the body and mind. My gym and healthy eating really has balanced this out though. But is 7 times a week too much? I dont do weights everyday, 3 of them are cardio days, but I really find it relaxing now. Addictive... I have turned.

I fly to USA next week. I have my holiday planned and book flights in the next few days. Surreal to do last minute plans and holidays as it never sinks in, then you are on a plane, alone, and hurtling your way to the other side of the world for an adventure. Anything can happen! I could trip over a park bench in a street in Richmond, Virginia, or see a check out chick in Washington DC not scan BOTH the chocolate bars I was buying to sample the ones I had never tried. Freebie. It should be a good time and I will get to see some good friends, especially Phil, who I havent seen since mid 2008. Awesome :) And also Tigh, will be excellent.

This is my favourite song right now. Something about the feeling like you can jump down the street, waving casually.

Warming

2010-09-30T07:30:00.004+10:00

It sure is warming up now. And the sky is bluer and the trees are greener and the cat next door sleeps on the couch out the front of their house, instead of in a car exhaust pipe. (made that last bit up) Thats me on stairs looking up, by the way.

Its funny sometimes, the more I realise people actually read this, especially people I know, the more I am unsure what I can and cannot write here. Do I screen stuff, and even if it is a funny story or, one of amusement on a historical or sci fi level.. I have to not tell it, in case the person it is about reads it? And then I go, nah screw it, shouldn't people know whats really going on? Or is it not appropriate to find out on a blog post? Not like I am offering up news that I killed a donkey last Friday or sold on illegal forms of sushi mats.

So yesterday was one of those days where a gay dance party came along and I went, because we were sponsoring it. I wasnt really wanting to go, as I know I just start getting irrirated with the crowd and it all starts feeling the same. But a mate reminded me, see it as a time to see friends and just have a fun time, asif you were the only ones there. It was a good time in the end. Lots of fun dancing and just laughs. I saw a dwarf zip into a lady gaga PVC costume and a fella I fancy. That was the highlight. Along with dancing with a new good mate Matt, who is an actor moved from Britain with his partner. Such a laugh.

Have you ever had an internet friend who you have had on your list for years? And speak often and always catch up but have never met? And has that internet friend lived in the same city as you? I have one, and its been such a saga. I respect and care about him a lot, but due to circumstances, I have never met him and I dont want to push it, as I understand his situation. And no he isnt a closeted married businessman. But we have had many years of deep conversation and being quite blunt and honest with each other about each other's lives. He has gone through a lot and it is really amazing to see where he is going now. I have seen him in the low of low (not literally seen him, as mentioned) but also in some good times, and he has seen me in the same. And I truly do hope to meet him one day soon, even if simply to give him a big hug and say how proud I am.

Well this blog turned a bit intense and emotional. So how about we look out the window at that fat dog in the lesbian neighbours yard. He tries to bark but the suspended dog mat he sleeps on, bounces too much and it freaks him out, so he stops. Barking that is.

PS. I got a kindle. Just like I need to keep writing, my reading needs to improve, otherwise I talk about fat dogs and cats.

Really?

2010-09-26T05:05:00.002+10:00

Just got home from walking from main road to my house. Birds were chirping as the sun began to rise, on an early spring Sunday morning. I walk past this house on way home that looks like a country shack, one that should be in the middle of nowhere. But really it is in the middle of a Sydney inner west suburb, but somehow they make it look like the outback. Fire on the front verandah.. rocking chair.. footy flag stapled to the wooden slats of the house and an abandoned cup of tea on an old chipped table.

I got home from a fun night.. but really if I am honest, a pretty crap night. One of those nights that had potential, but doesnt every night have that potential?

Started with watching Catherine Tate at home with Chem, then drinking and getting a train and secretly carrying coke bottles full of apple juice and vodka.. getting to gay strip and having more beers. Chem bumped into a friend of his and supposedly I look very non subtle if I am in the mood to NOT do small talk. Then we hung out with more mates til I got into the usual spiral mood at a gay bar where I detest the culture around me and people just in a sea of.. sex, and feel like I dont belong. We all left and went to get a cab.

Last minute I didnt get in the cab but went to the bar on the corner. Sat there at 3am and read the paper. A guy came and sat at my table and said hi. His name was James. I thought he said Jane so we had some awkward joke about Jane.. we got talking and he introduced me to his friends. He was really quite cute and seemed switched on and intelligent. He was a bit touchy and so I got the vibe he liked me. So I hung with him and his mates for a few hours.. sobering up as I hate hangovers on a Sunday or any day for that matter.

Spent time talking to his mate as well etc. Lovely group of guys, and noticed James had expressed interested and I was all quite surpirsed by it all. Eventually he whispered "You are really cute" and I smiled and said he was too. I went to kiss him on cheek, and he said "I cant kiss you".

"Why not?"

"I got a throat infection"

"Oh ok, that sucks"

"Yeah got it on Friday.. and it has gotten worse".

At this stage, he seemed like the kind of guy I wouldnt care if I got a sore throat from, he was pretty darn sweet. Maybe that is low of me, or desperate but I said "What if I didnt care?"

"You dont care??"

"Nope" Hoping this meant I could kiss the mysterious man.

James gestured over to the mate I was talking to before and said "My BF wont mind either"

"Sorry?" Getting slightly tense.. surely he didnt say that.

"My BF wont mind either"

So at that intant I felt like a loser. Once again I was persuing a guy that was not available. I looked him in the eye and said "I am off mate." And I walked out of the cab.

I told the cab where to drive to and stared out the window as the sky turned from black to deep blue.. and before I knew it I was near my home. I chose to get out ealier so I could just walk and reflect. Which is what I have now done. Lloyd, deep breaths, its just a phase in life, will read this one day and go.. ah that day. Just like you will for times in your life.

What would you do..

2010-09-11T12:29:00.004+10:00

So Melbourne was a great time. It felt like I was back in Sydney before I realised I was in Melbourne though. Pretty short trip! Though got a chance to catch up with my Uncle Phil, who is only 12 years older than me, so he is more like a big brother/cousin. He is going through a bit of a rough time, so we just had a few or a lot of beers and chatted. Above picture, spot me and my uncle on screen :)

Also saw Neal, and caught up with him. Was his birthday and so went to dinner and then spontaneously saw Mary Poppins, the musical. That was pretty alright. Oh, also bought some jeans.

This week has been quite flatout, as my boss was on The Secret Millionaire on Monday night, so there was a lot of emails and feedback for the rest of the week. People asking for help but mostly just people thanking him for such a heart felt episode.

I got a text on Tuesday from Neal asking me if I would meet up on Friday with him and his new partner and have drinks with them as they would be in town. For me, hanging with Neal (who is my ex if you are not aware), is fine. Though I am sure people would agree that hanging with your ex and his new partner.. is slightly odd. What would Lloyd do here?

Well I ended up going. Somehow it wasnt too bad at all. Seeing Neal with his new fella, actually was like the last piece of closure. To see him happy and caring about this guy, and they were both kinda goofy and sweet together. So yeah was actually good for me. Crazy huh!

I am concluding there is always a catch with people. There is never a simple concept out there. I have a few perfect examples recently. Of the hot/cold variety and the "I am not over my ex" variety. At the end of the day, they are to blame but not, for their confusion. When you get to know a guy, you start seeing the cracks.. and the peices that just dont make sense. One fella Andy, was over the top mushy and then the next moment, distant and fidgety. Then got annoyed when we were acting like a couple and didnt want a relationship. Relationships dont just happen overnight and it was never what I was suggesting. (Just ignore this paragraph, its just a vent). Next fella, was honest and said from pretty much day one that he wasnt over his ex. I shrugged this off simply cause I was getting to know him. Nah, if someone says that, leave then and there. Otherwise you are in for another confusing rollercoaster. Distance, past hurt, religious hangups... the list goes on. What hangup to I have? I have to have more than one at least, cause hey, saying all others have them and I dont.. is a tad hypocritical.

Maybe mine is blaming the past as an issue, when I really just hide it amongst a real reason of not wanting to commit. But.. we all do that sometimes. I would commit if it was the right person.

The cat next door meets me at the top of the street and walks down the road a bit with me, then rolls on his/her back (havent decided if its name is Pam or Robert yet) and requests I pat its belly. So I do, then keep walking, it runs down a bit futher, sets itself up again waiting for me to catch up and belly rub time again. Somehow it has convinced me cats arent too bad.

Spring is here. And Jasmine flowers on a fence, walking through an alleyway near home really sums it up, with bright blue sky in the background.

Fittings

2010-08-31T17:04:00.005+10:00

So a new procedure at work, which is extremely useful for everyone, is to have multiple fittings and having a body model stand in the current stage of a garment (a pair of undies for example) and the pattern maker and the designer look at it and see where it is good and bad, and also ask the body model how they feel etc. I volunteered to be the body model when they need me, cause I think this is crucial. The old system was someone trying on the garment then relaying to the pattern maker what needs to change.

So the other day, was doing a fitting for them. It is a pretty crucial product as it will be a core product that a lot of people will buy. So we need to get it right. Though when the next time came around for a fitting, I wasnt asked, but said they were going to get a few of the other guys to try it on. And without directly saying it, which they sort of did.. was that they need someone to fill out the front a bit more. Ouch? Now, I have never had an issue with size until that moment. I dont anymore once again, but for that hour of my life I thought... wow, it mattered.

But then the next day I was back fitting again. Makes total sense..

Week three of my fitness program. 9 more to go... and I am not losing motivation. When does this begin to happen.. week 4? Lets see how I go hey.

Off to Melbourne this weekend. Decided it was time for another getaway. Time to just stroll around and take photos of stuff and have some chill out time. Sean will be back next week and it will be ALL SYSTEMS GO!! So may need a tad bit of a breather before that happens. Will be good to see some of my friends down there, though even though it is the first day of Spring today (slight woohoo, just slight) I hear Melbourne wont be reflecting this woohoo with me, but its meant to be pouring and cold. Though Melbourne doesnt need to be sunny to appreciate I think. It is more about what is happening that the sun, though it is the other way around in Sydney.

Off to an AFL match on Sunday. Sydney!!!

Ben the Dog

2010-08-25T07:19:00.006+10:00

My mum told me the other week that since she was moving in with her new partner, she couldnt keep her dog anymore. This was the puppy golden retriever that she bought three months ago. She argued that it breaks her heart to have to get rid of him, but there was no yard in her partner's place and she had to move in with her cause life is too short. I see her point but.. it just simply isnt justified to do, when a puppy is just not for that reason, a three month window. So Ben is off to a farm down the south coast to live with three other golden retrievers. If I had my own yard, I would have taken him. Was nice meeting you Ben.

So why do people have such cool or qwerky facebook profile pictures.. like kissing a washing machine poweder box man or reflection of a reflection of yourself? Hm I have had the same one for like 6 months.

Nah I am going back to the Mum thing. I think I worked out why I find it so upsetting. Ben is like a representation of us kids in the past. Though I expressed this to her and she didnt get it and so that was the end of that chat.

Went out to Polly's last night. It is an old school disco thing and had some of my closest friends there. So much fun, to just be with friends and have a dance and not care at all.

I was walking in the gym the other day and just done a leg workout. The workout plan told me to go on the step machine next, and it was upstairs to the mezzanine level that looked out over the rest of the gym. I went up the first few stairs and my legs casually gave out on me, and i fell onto the metal stairs with a bang. So naturally I did the casual get up and pretended it never happened. iPod in and just casually walked to the stair climber. I was a little hesitant, because this is the machine I had only ever seen housewives use, and I didnt have the tights they wear. The other hesitation was that simple fact that I struggled going up real stairs, let along a fake, never-ending staircase as such. I got on, started going and then just felt ridiculous, that on top of the fact my knees buckled again and hit my chin on the controls. Casually I got off and walked down the stairs and out of the gym.

Glasses

2010-08-18T21:54:00.002+10:00

I wear my glasses so inconsistently that whenever I do, I get people all day commenting on how I look in glasses. Its like it is the first time everytime. And every time, the same chick at works says I look stupid and the same guy says I look like a famous person I have never heard of, each time I still have never heard of them. Though I think I am finding I see better with them and then take em off and dont realise.

Now arent you glad you read that above paragraph. Made your day hey.

This week is gonna be different.. on loop.

2010-08-15T22:05:00.004+10:00

Ever had the Sunday where you go, right, clean my room. A new start. If I have a fresh and clean room and house and go to bed early, this week is gonna be different. The last day I am gonna eat crap food, and gonna set my alarm for 5:45 so I can get up for a run and be all ready for the week. This week will be where I will work out more what I want to do with my life, exercise, overall improve myself. Floss. Take the rubbish out for even my flatmates, they will think I rock. Finish the night with a feel good show, that I personally relate to and so I feel like I have more identity and then get to bed.

Sort of that kind of Sunday. Hello Sunday, I believe we have done this before.

Spent the afternoon down in the Shire, overlooking the ocean at a mate's house, where we all had a nice roast lunch. Felt like such a proper Sunday. The smell reminded me of those Sunday arvos (afternoons) when Mum was cooking a roast and I was planning on going back up to see Jenna and Lauren and plan some kind of puppet show or other play or performance. Its funny how kids are like that. We want to be so creative.. then so many of us shut it down.

Wow I reckon if people analysed my blogs sometimes, its like I am hung up in the past a lot. I go back to childhood a lot, or what WAS. We all do that I suppose. I will keep telling myself that. Or is this just a space to be able to let out what I think often anyways. Yep.

Robyn

2010-08-14T13:59:00.002+10:00

So, unsure if I have ever really talked about the artist known as Robyn before, but I shall now.

I cant sum up why I like her so much. She is a bit rough I guess, not pure pop and she is also not massive in Australia, so the anti popular thing in me makes her more attractive. Though worried that if she gets more popular, whether her talent will overcome the desire to not like her anymore. She has some beautiful songs and some trashy fun songs. She is raw and sings with that sense of "I dont care". I can lay on my bed and listen to the ferocity in her voice and also dance up a storm by myself in my undies to her.

Though its also the memories behind it. When it comes to music, its what you think about when you hear the music no? I think of simple life a few years ago from Robyn's old album. With Neal and pumping it up in the car driving across freeways on a road trip. Trying to catch an egg in a frying pan and it going everywhere cooking, while she played in the background in the lounge room. Paused smiles and dance chords in London.

Robyn - Hang With Me official video from Robyn on Vimeo.

Knock back is a knock forward.. yeah?

2010-08-12T21:32:00.005+10:00

You know, after a few bad dating experiences of late, have realised that a a knock back can really be a step forward. A friend only told me today that when he was seeing a guy who was not that fussed about dating my friend, realised that why convince someone that you are date worthy? Shouldnt it just come naturally? Sure it is different in other circumstances but usually, it should be someone who desires you. So it can actually be a positive lesson. But then it all becomes a bit preachy maybe and so should just stop there. Scooby Doo wouldnt go on about it, simply say his catch phrase and life rocks. And maybe just catch a fake ghost every weekend, were there ever any REAL ghosts on that show? Ripped off...

Why do we get given photo frames for presents? We only have so much shelf space. And the ones we do have in frames are so old and any new photos stay on our hard drive or tagged on facebook.

Monday meant the photoshoot for the new model. Also meant we were standing on a beach in the north of Sydney city and my boss thought the model needed more tan. So left it up to me to deal with. Thoughts ran through my head of how do I apply fake tan to a new model, with no applicator, and no towels or gloves and also no spare garments to avoid fake tan getting on actual gaments we were shooting. SO I asked him to pull his swimwear slightly tighter and I had to simply apply fake tan to my hands and rub it in. Awkward. Mainly cause I had two video camera filming me (thanks guys) and Sean sitting in his car, grinning at how amusing this was. The poor fella, thankfully found the whole thing amusing, as its not everyday some random guy rubs you up in fake tan. So in the end, not too bad the experience. We also had chicken rolls.

Still kinda hoping Tigh contacts me. It just feels odd to have it all so.. left like this. Just concerned for him..

I always wondered as a kid why you were told not to touch the sides of a tent in the morning. Was the dew going to burn through and make holes...? I just didnt want a goanna getting in, so was totally cool with not touching the sides. A goanna is a large lizard in Australia and one really freaked me out once cause it was walking towards me really slowly when I was about 9. I threw a stick at it to just amuse myself, and this did not deter it but simply made it bolt towards me. I turned and ran, straight into a tree branch, while it kept running towards me, straight past me and into my tent. The purpose of this, was... what Lizard? What? I ask this to this day.

Pretty sure this is the goanna that chased me. Google images found it, still alive I see.

A Friday

2010-08-08T11:39:00.002+10:00

Yesterday we finally had a casting where we knew straight away that he would be right for aussieBum. So when that happens sometimes it means we go into action right away, and yesterday was one of those days.

The guy I had spotted out one time and he finally had sent through photos and that same day brought him in for a casting. He has never modeled and quite amused that we wanted him. My boss said right let's do a shoot today, get him a bit more of a tan around the legs and a slight hair trim. I was about to find out this would be a bit more complicated then assumed.

Model and I drove to Balmain to find some natural fake tan in a bottle. I was only given the instructions of 'it's in a shopping arcade in Balmain'.

Right now I am so annoyed as I spent an entire half an hour writing out the adventure that occurred.. and then stupid blog didnt save and I lost it all. So really, noone gets to read it now. Was good and amusing though.

Here is a photo. The adventure description would have made this photo more relevant.

Guitar in traffic

2010-07-29T17:55:00.003+10:00

I was rushing off to pickup some dry cleaning for my boss when I was sitting in lights, impatient as usual... when I focussed on a truck that was sitting in traffic coming from the other way. I looked at him and thought, ha he looks like he has an electric guitar strapped to him and he is singing his lungs out. Then thought, oh well, he probably isnt but can just say I saw that today as it would be a great "cool" facebook positing. You know, one that people will comment on and I will rock. Actually, it concerns me I think like that sometimes even though I say that in a mocking way. OK so back to him.. I looked closer (not like we can zoom) and he actually was playing a guitar in his truck, waiting for the lights to go green. Singing out in his cabin. Then the lights went green and away we went.

Its funny how in a day I can go from going through normal everyday emails and tasks to suddenly hearing we have a photoshoot from next week, less than a week away probably and we have to find three models and we will be driving across part of Australia. It doesnt phase me, it excites me.

Personality

2010-07-26T09:46:00.003+10:00

So my niece's bday party was quaint and cool. Simply cause it was the first proper birthday party of the next generation for our family. And its so cool to see how birthdays used to be for you as a kid. The list of presents and how they all were so relevant and cool. And the funny thing is, most of them would have existed in my generation, technology isnt TOO up and coming for them.

I found it fascinating to observe which ones she liked and then which ones she loved. It really began to show her own little personality coming out. She loved her new tea set she got. She instantly opened it, poured herself and her new doll fake tea and began sipping and talking to her doll. She is two and its already been informed to her that social activities are a highlight, along with tea drinking. My nephew was just stoked to be holding some green nobble thing, so he may be younger but likes green.

I spent an entire time packing parcels to different parts of the world today (helping out at work on Mondays with the orders as it is quite busy) with some work mates quoting Monty Python. It is impressive it is a topic that can last that long, not many other shows or movies could top the quotable of quotable movies. No? "We are the knights who say 'nee'. Reminds me of memories of staying up very late with school friends and thinking we were the best, cause we just discovered Monty Python. Poor school teachers who have to put up with the phase of grade 9 boys constantly quoting... Bless em.

Warm concrete or brick walls, from the morning sun, are bliss. Or from the afternoon sun and its just gotten dark and you walk past and can feel it radiate.

Had a model come in for a casting today. After we took a few snaps and said cool, thats all we need, he then asked if we could take some more and then began to pose. The odd thing was, he was being serious. So Sean then felt he had to take some more photos and act like it was totally normal for this to occur. Who has that in their head to ask for more photos? Maybe to make the moment last? Dunno... Tempted to put up a few of the photos, but probably a breach of privacy or something.

Tigh is in my head a lot...

A lady walked into our office yesterday for a meeting. She casually walked across to the other side of the office to look at the plasma TV and asked me what the specs were. I dont really have these on the back of my hand or on file in my lizard handbook, so had to say I didnt know. She was TV shopping and wanted advice. I smiled and kept making a coffee.

Remember... be cool. And hangout with Steve.

Setting a T

2010-07-25T11:29:00.004+10:00

A fragrance is cool for a while and you wear it often and then one day you realise you havent worn it in ages and then smell it and go, that smells like young memories, not todays. And based on that, it can be off putting and you pull out your new fragrance and go, yes, thats today.

Off to my niece's 2nd birthday this afternoon. Already two... and its awesome seeing her become her own little person. I am on a mission prior to find some bath toys for her. Currently she has two shampoo lids... which is poor form. Maybe it creates more creativity, those shampoo lids could be container ships and carry hundreds of ponies across the seas? Though I guess because when I had bathtime as a kid, having toys to play with was crucial. Though really I had a lot of shampoo bottles who became people of a sea town. I think it was sea town anyways... SO bath toy hunt begins soon, or should I just buy a whole set of shampoo bottles? Cheap skate uncle..

Those times when you feel you should educate yourself more led me to stumble on "10 historic facts that are false"... which was quite interesting. One being that greek statues were actually brightly painted and not actually marble looking... and the pyramids were highly polished limestone that even shone brightly at night. My work here is done, to educate myself some more and even now you, are enlightened.

Spoke to Tigh on the phone for an hour yesterday. Was quite a helpful but also a hard phone call. No idea where it will head but even in the end of the day if it helps with understanding and healing, then that isnt a bad thing.

I walk into a room, there are people having punch, a non descript woman laughs, in a non descript way. Then the music plays.

I am really liking this song (which I have worked out how to embed in my blog, thanks mice) Great lyrics, and I dont usually listen to lyrics straight off. People are either music focussed or lyrics focussed in a song. I follow the tune and beat and feel, then notice lyrics later. Can be annoying when you discover the lyrics to be declaring your love for getting down on the floor.

100

2010-07-23T11:13:00.004+10:00

So I was informed by some words today that this will be my 100th post. I started this over 5 years ago and to be honest, didnt think I would keep going with it after a few months. Sure I am crap and dont post for a few weeks sometimes and then there is a tumbleweed but then, hey, another post. Cut some slack is a great saying.

Those days or weeks where you feel like you are a bit of a zombie. Where you function at work but then you get home and its like time clicks fast forward and there is a time lapse of you sitting at a desk or lounge not really moving and then it stops and slows down again to getting into bed, then light goes off.

Kinda time to snap out of that one, I had my reserve of energy charged up again now.

My friend Mariana and her boyfriend Sam were walking through some markets the other day. There was an upset woman walking around and handing out flyers saying "lost cat". And no it did not have a red hat. So they took a flyer and didnt think anything of it. Then they were in another part of the suburb later that day and a man was handing out flyers saying "found cat". They put the posters together and it was the same cat. They told the lady and she rang happy to say she had the cat back. Moral of the story, dont take flyers. They just end up in the bin a few metres up from where people hand them out no?

I sent Tigh an email pretty much expressing what I was realising... Now to wait to see if he even replies.

I had an email this morning from a fella who stumbled across my blog and found it really relevant. It meant a lot as I sometimes have no clue who or if many people read this. I know a few friends to, and that means a lot in itself.

Another weekend coming, with my niece's birthday on Sunday. 2 years old. And I still remember sipping Turkish apple tea in the blue mountains with Neal when I first heard she was born. Life does sort of rock hey.

Even ugliness has beauty. Like below.

And what do you do for work?

2010-07-11T14:24:00.002+10:00

I went to a houseparty the other night, a friend of mine invited me to go as he feels, and hey I accept, that I dont go too well when it comes to all gay events. I either freak out randomly and get in a bad mood and want to leave or I go all silent AND leave. So was open to the challenge of working on my social skills. Why do I get like this, I hear you ask... well I think because I have that stupid case of not feeling like I can relate or better still, act like I cant relate.

So we turned up and it was a big wide open stylish apartment with music going and fashionable humans around the room. I think when you tell yourself inside "dont look awkward, dont look awkward" you end up smiling and walking across looking awkward and staring blankly at drinks and fumbling for a cup to make your own drink. Anyways after a few minutes I relaxed and made eye contact with people cause you know, its what you do. I was introduced to an Argentinian couple (they arent Argentinish supposedly..) and chatted to them for a while, very kind fellas. Naturally you are asked what you do as a job... sometimes I like to say something else. I am often an employee at an ice cream shop.

Before I knew it, two hours had gone and I was convinced to go to a bar for more drinks. At this stage I was tipsy so no way was I going to drive my car home and my flatmate was working nearby until 3am so accepted the fact that I would wait until then for a lift home. Bar hopping is what occurred and dancing. Then it got to 3am and knocking on my flatmate's bar's door asking for him to drive him home. Nah he was off to drinks so I followed.

This night turned into me thinking... funny how some alcohol makes you think MORE when people think it will make you distracted from hurt or drama or what is happening in life.

Found out Tigh is moving to Sydney in September and that naturally didnt go down too well in my mind... since the reason we ended was cause of distance and moving based on a relationship was too hard to handle. My thoughts are out in the jury room right now really.

My blinds are really not the most functional. Vertical blinds should be killed as their function is hindered by gravity, and crap design.

Funny how we vent on blogs about... blinds or.. dating. , when probably at the same moment someone has just been buried in a bomb blast and almost dead. But I guess life is life and in context..

Ugh light globe just blew.

Taxation

2010-07-10T18:19:00.003+10:00

So I just completed my tax return once again. Its that time of year for Australians and the wonderful online etax system is great. There is a lot of clicking "no" involved throughout the questionaire and some of them are fantastic questions accountants simply and purely.. adore. And to me, they sound like the questions I would be asked while preparing for takeoff to the moon. Same difference really. Actually there is a lot of differences between tax and trips to the moon.

My Dad made the effort the other day to come to my house for dinner. He was an hour late but that didnt matter, was still for him to attempt to find my house in the laneways of the inner west. He parked 1KM from my house and then walked and got lost. No attempt to call me either. He got here and I impressed him with some sort of jarred curry (jarred as in, came from a jar, not.. a way of spattering or keeping over a-jar a piece of chicken). Ended in a cup of tea and hearing about how his new house is coming along that is being built. He also asked me if I wanted to go on the Cradle Mountain walk again. This is in Tasmania, and I was dragged along on it when I was 14 years old and it takes 6 days. Its a beautiful walk and maybe when I was 14 I didnt appreciate it AS much but I still have memories of the rarity of what I was doing compared to most 14 year olds at my school. So whether I go on it again with my Dad and my brother possibly. Could be another life experience, we all keep getting older and stuff.

Dont accidentally let your shopping trolley go down the ramp to the shops, as it may hit an old lady who then explains she just had a hip replacement.

What extracurricular activity should I do? I seem to distract myself with mundane and time wasting things like the internet and TV shows that arent out in Australia yet when I could be.. doing Tai Kwon Do or... Salsa dancing. Or do I get told I should be doing stuff like that. I would probably take up some sort of dance class or something physical, so I can have a variety of things keeping me fit along with forcing myself to be social with people I dont know from the beginning. Which is always good. Its easy to just get home everyday and dump keys, wallet and phone on the shelf, sit down at the laptop and then notice oh wow 4 hours have passed and what did I do..

I have a photo on my desk of mum, dad, my two older brothers and myself. Mum is pregnant with my sister.

Wowzers. Someone working as a script writer on Inspector Gadget surely has to be penned for making up that word. Or he/she overheard it in an elevator one time.

Right, off to a house party now. My friend challenged me to go, cause its his friend's party and I wont know anyone and so its another throw in the deep end moment and see how well I swim. I need these situations.

July is pretty darn cold..

2010-07-03T09:16:00.003+10:00

The last week has been 2 degrees at night. This is Australia, not London. OK now that I have vented that I can also justify how lame I am that I have an electric blanket. It cures the cold really. Until its time to get up at 6am and go for a run.

The hill near my house is where I go for a run. When I leave to go there its dark so the first time I run up the hill there are other dark objects there too, they are other humans and canines. Then the sun begins to rise and the shapes get lighter and they dont all seem like criminals anymore but old ladies with their foo foo dogs.

The view up the top is just simply worth seeing. Probably more from the perspective of me who grew up in Sydney and from this hill you can see every part of Sydney, even the pretty airport..

I visited my family home last weekend and finally lugged some more of my possessions back to my home. In it was my coke bottle collection which naturally everyone has and realised I have nowhere to put it let alone display... into storage it goes. Along with all my written diaries I wrote in the space of 2003-2006. It is quite haunting to read them. They are written to God as such and how I felt. There is so much guilt and apologies in there, cause of how trapped and lost I felt, I couldn't even write the word gay in there, in case someone read it, but just kept begging God to change me and for me not to give up. I am simply so thankful I was given the path to get out of that mind. Though also makes me sad thinking of hw many people are still out there feeling that. I believe God never wants people to feel this guilt and hopelessness about who they are.

Holidays.. I want to decide where to go. I could go to London again and spend some time there for two to three weeks. Or go somewhere like NYC. Though both are expensive but full of possible adventures. Or the other thought would be to just stay here and do something local.

Sometimes I still censor things on here because of the worry certain people read it and dont want to offend or hurt them. I guess that is understandable, but then there is so much going on that I cant even begin to say and it looks like all I have to say is stuff about running up hills and coke bottle collections.

I also got my piano back in the house. Play Lloyd, Play.

Rat in Trap.

2010-06-18T13:31:00.005+10:00

I walked to my car last night in the cold. I reached my car and in the streetlight I saw that my car had a large rat on top of it, dead, inside a rat trap. I looked at it, picked up the trap and threw it onto the grass of the footpath. I then got in my car and drove away. It wasnt until later that I thought about how odd that was, that there was a rat trap with a dead rat in it.. on my car at 6pm on a Thursday night, in a residential street. I could look to it and go, hmm random prank by school kid, deliberate prank against me by a mastermind or somehow the rat dragged the trap to the car, up onto the car, laid his head down and decided that was the right time and moment to take his own life. Then I totally forgot about it then told everyone at work around the food court at lunch today and their reactions of disgust and amazement made me realise just how odd it was. The mystery.. shall never be solved.

Married by 30?

2010-06-11T10:07:00.003+10:00

I was driving this morning and remember I I told myself at 21 that if I had to be married by 30, otherwise I would not be living life and running from it instead. What on earth was going through that 21 year old brain. OK so I still have 4 years. Do I still want to get married and would that even be possible by the time I am 30? Will marriage be legal and does it even have to be if its about making a public commitment to a partner? Oh the questions. Friday mornings I shall declare non thinking mornings I reckon.

Though in regards to concepts of partners, I think I wonder if I am slightly mental. The concept is nice but when it gets more likely and there is potential I freak out a little. Why... I think it is because walls have to go down and trust has to build up. An even balance.. Keep working on it I guess.

Spent the day in the park with my siblings, and my niece and nephew. Neice is old enough to walk around and interact with other 2 year olds and its just so interesting to observe social interactions of that age. Its instant like or dislike. It seems to go like this:

Hey come and sit in this playhouse with me and we can pull faces at the two kids through the hole or hey I dont like you and I will shrivel up my face to prove this. Then go have a chocolate shake and then off to watch the wiggles in the living room.

Is it wrong that me and Chem sat and watched people ice skating around a rink the other day just so we could watch people fall over? Nah.

Classic Clarks..

2010-06-09T17:03:00.005+10:00

I bought a pair of Clark leather shoes in LA and they are nifty. Pretty daring for me cause you know, you wanna have that edginess with fashion and stuff but then you wanna feel slightly safe. Cause if you just look like a knob wearing glasses that look like you stole them from Dorris at the Nursing home (no idea why you would be at the nursing home stealing glasses) then you just miss the point. So the shoes are nice and comfy but whether I have morals against the fact they were from a thrifty shop and therefore worn already by someone else, that isnt me, and so is that health regulated wrongness? Hm nah... I am sure they washed it out with the tap.

So LA... Spread out, slightly glitzy, slightly ugly and dirty, food was gross and the people were in your face. But I found it fascinating and would go again simply to people watch. Is that a religion... to people watch? I guess you arent worshiping the people but the act of watching. So necessarly not.

Some of the highlights were being in between two cabbies who were fighting and shouting abuse at each other for about 5 minutes and still undecided if they were kidding or not. One was accused of being a monkey, twice. Another highlight was seeing our photoshoot come together and work and look amazing. Once it was in the can, I could relax.

Went to Universal studios and discovered I really hate scary themed attractions. I clung onto Kiah and Tim's back through a haunted house, but mainly cause I have a phobia of live actors jumping out at you. Maybe it linked to brothers doing a similar thing while growing up. Though was a fun day and was their busiest day of the year though we were wanky and had VIP badges and cut through all queues. Cant imagine it would be a fun day if you had to queue.

You know when people ask you how a trip was and what did you do... and you are blank. I think cause those memories and moments were just for you and no point relaying them. You will remember then when you want to and need to. Not just to fill in a conversation.

A lot of closure currently still.. with Tigh saying bye the other day, which is sad but I guess needs to happen. And a few other chapters opening up, one starting and one a bit of a preview, not talking about any specifics but just new friends and opportunities. Like for anyone. So go keep living life people.

and this writing is great.

Back from the Plastic.

2010-06-03T20:23:00.004+10:00

Wow. So it came and went. As predicted.

Landed in LA and it was pouring. We found the shuttle bus to the Avis car hire and then convinced Nevan to drive as there was no way in hell I wanted to. This began the four days of intensity and fun and craziness that was Los Angeles and the aussieBum crew's visit. But right now I am slightly tipsy and couldnt be stuffed explaining what we did exactly, so will wait til the weekend.

Wow short post huh.

City of Angels..

2010-05-26T21:36:00.004+10:00

Last Friday I received a text from my boss asking me to get quotes for Sydney to LA return. A few texts later, found out me and some work mates were off to LA for a photo shoot 6 days later. Now its the night before we fly off to this City of Angels, Kiah said there were angel sightings there 300 years ago, thats why its called that.

Tired, hasnt sunk in and just been non stop. But bring it on! We get to explore LA for the first few days and then the final day is the actual shoot. So much creativity buzzing, it feels great! Havent been to LA since 1989. I dont really remember it, but I do remember Disneyland and posing with Dale from Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, the idiot in the costume leaned on my head too much and it hurt. Its odd, the memories you keep from a theme park 21 years ago. Including the random coca cola tracksuit i used to always wear... made an appearance at Disneyland. See below. Ignore streamer.

Since the other owner of the company is away as well, I have been helping with the fittings. Kind of odd but at same time not that fussed, standing in the work gym, in a jockstrap, talking about whether the pouch of my crotch is comfortable and what was bunching up etc, for the production person Claudia. Things you do for your job.

Had a housewarm

ing on the weekend. Loved it. Special people in my home to chat and share my new space with, along with my fantastic flatmates. Though dancing on wet wooden floor in ugg boots isnt really the best hey.. wake up the next morning with bruises from slip ups.. And also laughter from others, which is always kinda fun. Making others laugh is fun. Better than making them cry I say.

Eyelids are heavy, heart is like a heart monitor and mind is ready to rest. Goodnight and soar off tomorrow.

A knitting cafe

2010-05-16T09:31:00.001+10:00

So sitting in a cafe that specializes in knitting and caters for this. Waitin for my friend Lucy as she is lost and it's quite amusing. The cafe owner looks pissed since I have sat here and ordered one tea and nothing else. I'm a tight ass I guess!

Meeting with Lucy as she is one person who will really get what I experienced this week.

My birthday was great, lots of simple fun and had a few good friends to have drinks with. Headed down the coast the next day and saw mum in her new place. She has nicely made me a cake which was a feeling of a distant memory from old times, though she had cut a big chunk out already cause she was hungry the night before. I could read into that but I won't! She has this cute puppy called Ben and it does make me happy he will keep her company.

Saw my nan and pop too, and for once they didn't argue, which I sort of missed.. It's like watching a TV show.

Oh the waiter has now allowed himself to explain why he is grumpy, the cafe is closed now and I came in last minute. Silly.. So we went to another cafe down the road, looks like a plant nursey and Lucy had a spikey plant stabbing her in her neck. The whole experience of nature in one cafe, though didn't see any buffalo.

So I read the email to her I received from Heather. It renounced all past support of accepting homosexuality and denouncing it now. She has sat by my side in the past and seen how shattered I have been with emails like this, so it's a betrayal to send an email like that. I rspect her decision but to send it in words like that is simply unloving and don't understand what God she is living under. Cause if he instructs those kinds of actions then do we want to know him? It is hypcritical of the love and unconditional love advertised.

Saw a dog stumble and do a backflip out the boot of a car yesterday, not injured, just one of those moments, even animals screw up, amusing.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

That time of year..

2010-05-07T08:23:00.002+10:00

So I woke to red lights. I had forgotten to turn off my red funky string of lights that makes my room feel like some sort of redlight district inside. You know, good and reputable. 5am on the clock. And it was now officially my birthday once again. If it was 10 years earlier, I would be waiting for the creaking of the floorboards up the stairs as my family tried to be quiet and sneak up to my bedroom door with bacon and eggs with candles stuck into the egg, singing an off key "happy birthday". Clatter of cutlery as they somehow think they will surprise me. Even though I am a kid and expect this, since it occurs to all of us kids in the family for our birthday and birthdays are like christmas, up at 5am.
This time I am an adult, yep, adult. And the silence of the room is there. Plumber is getting here in five minutes so I throw clothes on (cant have a shower cause our shower is still broken... hence the plumber) and stand in the lounge room and stare through the blinds.. its getting cold outside.
Last night Chem and I went to dinner to Korean BBQ and was very amusing, especially when the waiter presented us with two cokes, but his accent made it sound like something else. Guess. And naturally we were immature about it.
Then went up to the Bank Hotel for drinks. I saw a guy sitting there alone, looking at his phone constantly. Instantly I knew... yep, internet date. I mentioned it to Chem and he agreed though didnt think it was. 5 mins later a guy walked in and we both went, yep here is the date. He walked over and we watched the awkwardness begin. People watching is fascinating, though with Chem it is slightly obvious, but thats amusing in itself.
We headed back a bit tipsy, stoked we now could simply walk home from the bar and to the same house. It will be one of those chapters in my life where I will look back on fondly.

Head down the coast tomorrow, to visit Mum for Mother's day and see her new puppy, a golden retriever called Ben. Shall be an interesting day no doubt! And then to go to my cousin's 21st, which will be also interesting as its a small coastal town pub and the characters there make up for many in Sydney.

Happy Birthday... Me. 26.

Traternity

2010-04-18T22:51:00.003+10:00

Is that a word?

I bought "The Diary of Anne Frank" on DVD, the BBC version yesterday. Depressing, yes. Interesting, yes. For some reason that era simply fascinates me. Because it isnt too long ago and it was people in unimaginable situations where, based on who they were as a human, their life was threatened. Then I went, hm hang on, that happens in many countries in the world today, the news just doesn't talk about it. OK too deep for the first paragraph.

I was walking through Woolworths the other day (its a grocery store) and I noticed they were playing Susan Boyle over the music system. Though it started getting odd when they were playing the entire album, as I was there for about twenty minutes. I strolled back to the car and could still hear it. This is when I discovered, its my iPhone playing on loudspeaker. Serves me right for having Susan Boyle on my iPhone. Can I say the word iPhone again?

Yesterday I moved in. And geesh, its pretty cool. To have some of your best friends in the same house but also with enough breathing space to have time to yourself. Lets see how it goes, but it will change things instantly for me. Two amusing things so far. I broke the showerhead off the shower last night, so water rushed out of the hose and all over the place, for some reason this made me have a fit of laughs for ages. It was fantastic, I think because it was just simply rediculous and it was my first shower in a new place and there is so much pressure for it to be a good shower, otherwise you have to deal with a crap shower for an entire year at least. Oh the complaints and vents of privileged society... THEN went downstairs and my flatmate Chem was getting milk out of the fridge and went to pour the milk, and no, no milk came out, it was frozen. Gotta love a donated fridge!

New photos will be along soon.

Friends and New Places

2010-04-11T12:20:00.002+10:00

So on Friday we were offered BOTH properties we had applied for. And surrounding me I know people struggling to find a place. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense. We accepted the second one we looked at. It is in a better location and has more vintage shops and weirdos to look at and hopefully have socially odd interactions with at inconvenient times. We also have a small and broken down park nearby where deep and meaningful conversation can occur when we get back drunk from a night out. We, being Chem, Karina and myself. We have joked around for ages that we would live together one day, and now we are. So the stories begin. Our lives combine make for interesting social commentary, well for us anyways. So lookout. I may have to get permission though hey.. It wont be "Dawson's Creek" but "Lloyd's Billabong". Not "Friends" but "Mates".

So the move will involve obtaining house hold items we do not own. IE. all 21st century appliances other than a TV. But hey post out a cry out on facebook and you shall receive yeah? Who has a fridge, microwave, washing machine, air conditioner, micromachine-max race track?

Birthday is less than a month to go... 26. Simply going to go down the coast with my siblings and visit Mum and go to my cousin's 21st. It will be an amusing weekend for sure. It will involve a visit to the inlet and also a bubblo-bill.

OK time for me to get off this and go do something with my life. Til tomorrow.

Think you are gonna die

2010-04-08T18:23:00.003+10:00

I spent two nights ago, thinking, surely I am gonna die.

Nope, I didnt, and it was just a 24 hour stomach bug, but hey, I still thought, what people should I call to say goodbye to? Delirious state I say. But it is the worst.. and you even admit you want your mum and somehow that would be ok.

Clocks turned back, so its now dark at work for an hour, and that is dull. Makes you feel you work back late every night and you have a sad life. Or really the clocks just went back and everyone else in the building works back late too and you arent really that special.

Waiting to hear back from a few properties, Luke, Karina and myself have applied for. We are all going to move in together. It is between two terrace houses, both pretty cool in their own way. Have been offered one but we like the other better and yet to hear, find out tomorrow! Looking forward to making more of a home. Love my place now but I spend most of the time by myself and in my room. Anyone else relate? Yeah I know, totally.

Aladdin has to be one of the best all time Disney films, it had culture, class, good songs and a genie. What else do you need. And then you were a smart ass kid that would say, genie I wish for never-ending wishes. That was totally not breaking the rules either. Dumb genie.

Today at work, I answered a lot of emails. One involved a guy asking us to totally fund his new idea as well as mentor him in how to achieve success. He also mentioned he almost died on the weekend. Im not going to comment.

We dared a friend of ours from work, to come to one of Sydney's most expensive and classy restaurants with us, in her pyjamas. There is too much swank in a city where we do not need to be swanky. The best thing is, management didnt care and she walked in and greeted us at the table in her qantas pyjamas. She was slightly embarrassed though cause she forgot to wear a bra. But life is short, why not?

Milk Bottles

2010-03-29T10:46:00.001+11:00

I always get informed it's almost my birthday or Christmas when you check the use by date of the milk. Oh it expires on my birthday, should really organise my own birthday party again. Oh it expires on Christmas eve, I should really purchase something for someone or make a cake.

Off to 'The Morning Show' this morning, yeah pun intended, though is it a pun or a stating of the obvious? We have been on it before and it is simply so housewives have eye candy for a few minutes in their living rooms across Australia. Five models, ten pairs of underwear to work out what goes where and a green room.

The funny thing is at Polly's having that dance with one of the choreographer's of So You Think You Can Dance, turns out one of his best friends is host of The Morning Show. Life is small and big at the same time.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Allen St,Leichhardt,Australia

Not old enough..

2010-03-25T08:42:00.005+11:00

I woke Tuesday to a sore back... once again. Yep its a whinge moment, but come on, I am 25 and now have bad back problems which involve trips, and successful trips to the Chiro. But at least I havent had an issue for about 6 months! I also have my twisted ankle that wont heal. So great combo for when I am enthusiastic about continually getting fit! Stubborn me continues to go, hey gym will be fine, these ailments wont hinder me. Yeah they do when I realise I stand in the gym for 20 minutes flicking through songs on random play on my MP3 Player, no, no, no, no, ye... no, no. Notice how I said MP3 player, so I can remain mysterious as to what cultural branded device I do or do not cave to.

This blog is 1 in 200 000 000 blogs out there. Just read that. 200 million people managing what they say and do in their life. What does that say about people in general. A general fear we wont be remembered when we die, or a general feeling of what we do is important enough to document?

I ended up going to the Chiro (yes I saved this blog and continued on post chiropractor, did not travel in time). Loved the fact I was lying on my stomach and the assistant was massaging my back with this large crazy vibrator thing when the doorbell rang, she went to answer it and some woman came in demanding to know what the name of the plants were in the window. She had no idea, so woman left pissed off.

My car key no longer automatically opens the doors. I thought it was that the battery had died. It wasnt. I replaced the battery. Well at least its novel and I feel like I am back in 1990 when it was cool to open your car door with a key.

Wanna wake up early at dawn so I can speak to the sky.

Went to Polly's last night. Was amazing. Simply a beautiful atmosphere with friendly people everywhere just having fun. And I was with such good people I am so happy to have in my life. I ended up having a dance off, didnt realise they were an actual dancing champion, but when you are slightly drunk, your dancing rocks and I totally beat him.

Embarrassing Situations..

2010-03-22T09:13:00.003+11:00

So I had someone call be just before saying "Ah so we have never discussed the time you walked into the bathroom when I was going to the toilet".

"No we havent discussed this, do you wish to?"

"Yeah, was wondering if things had become awkward since then"

"Nah.. had forgotten about it until now"

"Well, was telling people here of awkward situations and I said I had one, and then realised I hadnt spoken to you about it"

"Ah ok, well now we have. Not awkward. I also now know that some people DO read magazines on the toilet"

"Yep, whole articles"

Lady GaGa was pretty cool, seeing her again live. Newcastle is another story. Never walk through the backstreets of Newcastle (Newcastle in Australia, well probably even Newcastle UK as well) as it is just dodgey. Its like you have stepped into a time machine and you are back in 1990. Weatherboard houses, distant smell of bbq from a few hours ago, old Holdens, overgrown grass and rundown wooden fences. I hid my iPod in case it caused a rift in time.

This weekend, is Polly's again. The style of event where its like, as my friend says, a church dance ran by gay uncles. A whole group of friends are coming this time and my mum is going with her friends too. Always a good night.

I saw Imogen Heap last night, I was a bit of a concert man this weekend. She was simply amazing. Her personality came through in her music and I dont think I have seen anyone more funny than her, I want to be her friend. She records things from bells to the birds in her park and burning wood and then mixes it into the song. She even used the crowd for a few songs. And the song "Hide and Seek" she is so famous for, was simply tops. To see and hear that song live, when for me it has such a personal story to it and back in the day, made my weekend.

Newie

2010-03-20T13:25:00.003+11:00

So am heading to Newcastle soon. Got a Lady GaGa concert. I dont really know the guy I am going with, but he doesnt have anyone to go with anymore because of unfortunate circumstances, and I am always up for random situations and experiences, so why not go on a road trip to Newcastle and see the odd people adoring Lady GaGa. My car, me, an iPod and this fella called Jeremy.

I spoke to Hadleigh on the weekend. The last thing I did in Melbourne. Asked him what on earth happened back in the day. Hadleigh was the opera singer who.. is really the only person I ever gave my whole heart to. Moved from London to Auckland to see him for the first time, and the innocent and naive love I had for him drove that move. He had such a all consuming career and that drove him. So back in the day (four years ago) the whole thing fell flat on its face, simply because there was no room for that hope. Seeing him in Melbourne, it was like seeing him four years ago, didnt realise how stupid it would feel to feel like no time had passed and how I felt would still be there. For him, he cares about me like noone else but, also for him, he doesnt feel that way about me anymore and cant explain why. I dont expect him to be able to explain but hey.

Knowing all that now, really helps. I can now move forward with the knowledge I hadnt accepted before that.. I hadnt really let anyone else in since then cause of that fear and also slight hope something would happen with him again. When Neal came along, he was slightly ripped off cause I coudnt give 100% cause of the past. I know this is quite familiar to most and can relate, but now I know and can happily continue on now. Advice: never fall for someone who is in love with music. You will always be second.

Went to a Men's Health Magazine function on Tuesday night. aussieBum sponsored the Men's Health Challenge which resulted in 6 guys competing to be the April 2010 cover man. Not much competition at all... There were plenty of women who thought they must have been part of the competition, falling over in their heels and sipping chardy way too much but hey, why not? Supposed hot men were going to be there. They all had their gf's clinging to them. And the view was amazing, sunset over the harbour. Mariana came with me and she made me drink wine, to the point we had to get a cab home, and also have a fight with complimentary hair gel we received in the gift bags. I won, Brazil lost.

Would it be best if we all had egg timers for our heart? Ohhhh deep.

The Yarra

2010-03-14T19:04:00.003+11:00

The Yarra River is literally two metres next to me and I can hear the whip cracking of a cliché street entertainer above me on the bridge. I am at a café on a bridge pilon and its quite cool. Melbourne. What is worse, the street entertainer or the people who actually stop to watch them?

I flew to Melbourne for the weekend spontaneously by myself, just to get away and feel more interesting. That’s what you do no? This city is full of nooks and crannies and a lot of things to do. It is quite beautiful and totally different to Sydney, and there is no point comparing the two.

Jumped in a cab last night and the guy said “hello, do you mind if I turn this song up really loud, I LOVE it” And then cranked this song that was in hindi and sounded so so bollywood. I had just left a really upsetting situation and instantly I was trying not to laugh at how bizarre the situation was. He then kept looking into the mirror saying he had something in his eye, while tapping the steeting wheel and humming the words. After about two mins, he turned the music down and then asked me if I minded that he pull over at a petrol station to wash his eye. “Um sure”. While I stared straight ahead and wondered if this got any weirder. He pulled over and stopped the taxi metre and then got out, sat on the car bonnet and had a bottle of water and poured it over his head and into his eye. He got back into the cab and smiled, totally wet, “Its gone!” The rest of the trip he changed the station to an English one and he chatted about aussieBum and wondered what it meant. I explaned it was underwear, and he said, “Ahh Aussie BUMS!, HA HA HA”. A minute later I exited the cab and gave him a tip. Weird, but he entertained me and cheered me up.

Why was I upset? Well long story short, a piece of the past came back to haunt me for the night and didn’t expect it to. Sometimes do you wonder if you are back at square one, and its kind of refreshing to accept it but also depressing at the same time? Cause it makes so much sense why you feel or act the way you do and you realise you aren’t insane but actually coherent. When I am not in control of a situation, naturally its hard.

I have done 3 radio interviews about Banana underwear now. And another tomorrow morning. My favourite one has been the Toronto radio station, who loved the way I said “Banana”. Very fun and easy to chat to. But weird that I am doing it, as I am a kid who had always struggled to express what was in my head.

I have discovered I cant handle sitting next to mirrors in a restaurant. Cause there is this self conscious want to keep seeing whats to your left or right but hey, its just you. Oh and its you again, oh and yes, its still you.

Quoted

2010-03-07T15:26:00.003+11:00

Google "Lloyd Jones banana" and you will discover I have now been quoted in random online news articles all around the world this weekend. Little did I know that a phone call at work from a small known company called "Reuters" would quote me when they called and include it in a release. Also the fact that its all about a new underwear range that we released called "Banana" cause it is made from the banana plant. The concept of being quoted and your words placed in news articles has really thrown me. It freaked me out and made me panic, whether what I said was right or.. the simple fact my name is out there and mentioned in a public way. Though then having a blog, doesnt freak me out? Hmm odd.

Last night... MG party. In once sentence, the lead up to the party and the bars Mariana and I went to beforehand, was more fun than the party itself. I dressed looking slightly police looking with a fake bullet proof vest and shorts, and Mariana in a corset and black short skirt. Suitable. Had drinks at a bar and laughed a lot and shared a lot, which I think was the highlight of the night. We then made our way to another bar which is totally non pretentious and danced for an hour or so. We made friends with a Columbian guy, and Mariana is Brazilian and since thats pretty much the same thing, (right?) they got along well. But lost him 4 mins later. Finally got to the party and as usual, was packed, struggled to find friends and just got draining... Saw George Michael perform for about twenty seconds and then he left. Dropped my wallet and lost it, but amazingly got texted a little while later that someone had found it and handed it into security.. so after chasing security guards around for 30 mins and Mariana ripping her dress we found my wallet and it had all the money still in it. That doesnt happen these days, was very chuffed.

About 2am we went home, it just was that time. Had a ball but just not as planned.

Had lunch with my brother and sister in law today and niece. It really is the small things in life that are the best. Watching my niece trying to feed herself yoghurt with three spoons at once and having it all over her face, just made me smile so much. Human development and where we started... just fascinate me. That to her, she was totally cool... yoghurt is MEANT to be all over your face when consuming it, and it can be removed by spoons or your fingers, or possibly the TV remote control.

Amelie Soundtrack..

2010-03-06T13:49:00.003+11:00

I find if you listen to the Amelie soundtrack and then just put a slideshow of random photos from your past, you can feel like a movie. Is that arrogant... probably not as I suggest anyone do this to make your own special movie moment. Crap some dance song came on and ruined the moment.

MG Party tonight. I have been convinced to dress up as a cop. We have props etc at work and we happen to have a cop outfit that we hired for a shoot. But as usual, I am paranoid I may get in trouble by the actual cops that I am pretending to be a cop. Though really, what can they expect.. it wont be a replica. Hmm who am I kidding, this argument is to myself. It is a tad cliche though.. you know, Village People image. But dont worry, this is more Australian cop so hey, difference no? My good friend Mariana has been having it tough so we are both going along just to have fun and dress up and watch the amusing scenarios occur around us.

Oh Beautiful Day by U2 just came on. Reminds me of being in grade 10 in 2000 and a friend at the time Rachel, blaring it from her lungs in Geography class for about 3 months. Smell of teenage damp sweat in a class room, awkwardness and smell of paper and pencils (even though we used pens) and a dull discussion about demographics in Georgia. The country, not the US state.

Creative frustration is ever continuous. So much energy inside yet no idea how to splat it out there. Splat.. or place, either one. Cant even find a pirated version of Photoshop so I can play with some photos I took. Damn pirates.

My friend Luke hates any musician that has big feels and a little voice. ie. Regina Spektor, Lisa Mitchell to mention a few. I discover I am the opposite sometimes. The quirky music that would be on an arty/try hard advertisement I end up liking, unless it ends on an advertisement.

Happy Mardi Gras 2010 everyone. No idea what we are celebrating or making stand for, but its an excuse to party. May tonight be.. well.. fun.

Flow

2010-03-01T21:27:00.003+11:00

Saturday was one of those days where, didnt care whatsoever if people saw me cry. And it occurred about four times in one day.

I turned up at the bed and breakfast where my sister was staying with her bridesmaids, to pick up the rose petals for the aisle. Walked in and my sister was getting her makeup on. She looked great, and it was one of those moments where you have seen many females in facebook photos etc getting their makeup on before their wedding... but when you see your own sister, its just odd. Special in a way, looking over at you grinning, smiling like she would have when she was eight on christmas day. I hung around and my mum and dad were both there, in the same house and it didnt seem too odd.

I carried some luggage out to the car for my sis' best friend and before I knew it I had rolled my ankle and bounced back and was walking again and then realised... that wasnt cool. Looked down and had a massive egg on my ankle. I hopped inside and collapsed on lounge and just grimaced in the pain. Then both my mum and dad came into the room and both went into action. Ibuprofen, ice pack.. shoe off... just both of them talking and looking after me. I hadnt felt this kind of care from them like this in years, and they were doing it together. They had rarely spoken in the five years since they ended. So for one unique and special moment I had them both like they were when I was a kid. That was first moment of tears.

My sister came out of her room just as she was about to put her dress on, to see how I was etc. I told her to go get ready as she had to leave in about 5 mins. I hopped outside and jumped in the car to get the rose petals to the beach. I was wearing quite an expensive suit that was loaned to me, with one shoe off and got out at the beach and hopped over to the small crowd that was gathering on the grass where the ceremony was to happen. Perfect clear day, almost 10am and slightly warm. I had a few odd looks, well maybe more than a few. My bro Andy walked up and said "Of course, only Lloyd would do something like this at this time". There were only a few chairs for the parents and grandparents. I now hijacked two, one for me and then one for my foot. And we waited for Lou to get there. She did, and turned around and saw Dad leading her down the grass to the front. Bloody hell, those movies that make it so moving... totally get it. To see your little sister walking down the aisle to get married.. life flashes before your eyes and every step closer, feels like yep, we are finally and officially grown ups. She is the youngest and final sibling to get married as such (as when would I ever get "married"). Anyways I am not hijacking this story about a lame stab for gay rights as.. we have it pretty damn good in this country. I looked at my brother and he was crying, and geesh if I see any of my family members cry, I am there instantly crying too. So, number two set of tears.

After the ceremony, managed to get out of there fairly fast, after avoiding comments from my nan about how I should go to hospital because it looks horrible and most definitely broken and I could die. Found a car wash and managed to convince them to clean the Range Rover I was driving, in under 30 mins. This began to fail instantly as they began vacuuming the car after highlighting to them, three times, I didnt want the INSIDE clean. 45 minutes later it was clean and drove away with it still wet, as I was running late for the reception.

Arrived on time and after eating lots of cocktail food until I felt sick (My sis in law and I followed the trays, we should have been making seagull sounds), Lou and Dean arrived and the whole reception was really nice and relaxed. The speeches finally came... and geesh. Dad's, Dean's Dad's, Lou's and Dean's speeches all just caused waterworks. So genuine, and I dont think I had witnessed that much love in the words for a long time. Soppy yeah but hey, do I go intensely soppy in these post much? So that was the final moment and probably the longest I got teary for then went over to Andy who was also a mess. Was amusing at the same time as it was refreshing to be emotionally honest with family.

So in summary, a good day. Dropped my sister and Dean off at their hotel and said farewell. Felt privileged to be the final person to say bye before their honeymoon.

I was given a coke bottle from Brazil.. so my coke collection continues..

Interviewed by Channel 9 today. Cameras in your face are a tad disconcerting and the easiest questions become hard as nothing seems to sound right or correct.

See below. Myself and my three siblings, the one wearing the dress got married.